Top 5 All-Time Desert Island Books with Me, The Irresponsible Reader

It’s time to wrap this series up—at least for now, I’ve had people reach out to me to express interest in doing this in the future. If you’d like to take a shot at this, just let me know! I’d be more than happy to try this all again. But for now, I get to give my 2¢.

In a perfect world, the first paragraph or so of this was going to be the prompt I gave everyone. But, I didn’t finish writing them* until after everyone submitted their lists. Which actually worked out pretty well, because I prefer what I got to what this would’ve produced.

* Or start, actually.

If you’re reading this site, I probably don’t need to give an introduction like I did with the rest, but the reflex is there. As the Irresponsible Reader, I’m a fanboy sounding my bookish yawp over the roofs of the Internet. Essentially, I’m just some guy with a habit that’s gotten out of control, and will very likely die crushed by an out-of-control TBR Pile in my dotage (or tomorrow). Appreciator of the Strange, the Neat, and/or the Yummy.

As I often do on weekends, I recently found myself at Championship Paperbacks, this charming little New and Used bookstore downtown. It’s a little rundown on the outside, but inside? It’s a monument to books—there are some new releases, of course—in paperback and trade paperbacks. But primarily it’s a treasure-trove of Mass Market Paperbacks—classics, little-heard-of backlist titles, obscure and hard-to-find SF&F treasures, and mystery novels galore.

The place is owned and run by a moody guy named Ron—I’m not sure why he keeps the place, he doesn’t really seem to like it much. But he does seem to have some pretty serious opinions about the books. He has two booksellers on staff that really add some…color, shall we say to the place. First of all, there’s Larry. Larry is a boisterous guy who seems to like junk food almost as much as he does the sound of his own voice. Larry will go on extended rants about Grimdark Fantasy, Hard Science Fiction, and Horror (although rumor has it, he writes cozy mysteries about a Hamster Breeder who solves murders when he’s not at work). The other bookseller is a quiet, knowledgeable man, Nick—who has plenty of firm opinions (and the familiarity with fiction to back them up) himself but has to be pushed into expressing them.

When I walk in, there are a few people browsing around the store’s perimeter, and the three booksellers are lounging around the cash register chatting with a few customers, everyone seems engaged in the conversation, people are chuckling, and a few are taking notes on scratch paper or their phones. Larry cuts off whatever scathing remark he was in the middle of to point at me just inside the door, cocks an eyebrow and, bellows—”You, there, Irresponsible Reader*—name your Top 5 All-Time Desert Island Books. Now!”

* If I’d actually finished this in time, Larry would be calling out the participants here.

I freeze…it’s just a conversation with a few complete strangers, and the guys who run the bookshop I like to shop in. It’s not like I’m on trial at the Hauge, behind the center podium on the Alex Trebek stage trying to come up with a decent wager in limited seconds, or trying to decide what I want for dinner on a Cheat Day—but there’s something about the way these guys are looking at me that ratchets up the pressure.

Mentally (I think, maybe it was literally), I mop my brow and try to come up with something to say. “Well, I could go for something major that I’ve always wanted to—or thought I should read—Crime and Punishment or something really weighty and important, like Eat, Pray, Love.” The shared silence is deafening, tough crowd. “But really, if I’m stuck on a deserted island for who knows how long, I want comfort. I want familiarity, I want something that I know will make me feel good.”

I nod to myself, that sounds about right. Larry taps his fingers impatiently on the counter. “No more stalling—come on!”

“Okay, okay, okay. We’ll start with Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre—I’ve been a fan since High School. I get caught up in the story, I love the looks at and criticisms of British culture of the time and the ways Christianity was expressed at the time, and Jane’s just a great character. I get something new out of it each time I read it.” Ron looks unimpressed, Larry rolls his eyes, but Nick gives a quiet nod. That nod gave me the assurance to move on.

“I’m going to need something else that takes a while. So I guess Rothfuss’ The Name of the Wind—the 10th Anniversary Edition, of course (I’m going to need those extra fifty pages and whatnot).” I see Larry start to say something in response, “Yeah, yeah, I know—it’s crazy to just pick the first volume of a trilogy—especially one that might never get finished*—but I just love that book. I really don’t care if we get the rest of the trilogy as long as I can re-read this every so often.”

* As much as I want K.R.R. to get his trip.

I start to pick up speed. “I have to have some Douglas Adams. I’m going to pick So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.” I note the crowd’s skeptical reaction. “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s not the funniest of the series, but there are several great moments and it’s a better novel than the rest.” Larry sneers at that choice, Ron actually seems to be paying attention, and Nick seems intrigued (but still mildly skeptical). I’m having a hard time watching the rest out of the corner of my eye, I can’t seem to stop seeing Larry’s glare.

“Fourth is a tricky one, I don’t want to be apart from Nero Wolfe or Archie Goodwin for an indefinite period. Also, just spending time in the Brownstone on West 35th will make me think of a nice, cozy home—something unlike whatever hut I found myself in. The Silent Speaker maybe? Gambit? Eh, I guess The Golden Spiders sounds best. Or at least good enough.” I thought about picking, Triple Zeck—the bound edition of the Zeck Trilogy—And Be a Villain, The Second Confession, and In the Best Families—but I’m almost certain that Larry and Ron would call that cheating.

“Those last couple of reads aren’t going to take me too long, I realize—but the comfort makes them worthwhile. Which is why I have to go with Early Autumn by Robert B. Parker for my last choice. There’s a little bit of the action and P.I. story, along with a healthy dose of Thoreau-esque self-reliance. If nothing else, reading about Spenser building that cabin might inspire me to construct something liveable on the island.” I get a couple of chuckles for that last line. Not too many, but I’ll take them.

Ron shrugs and gets back to whatever it is he does. Nick takes a couple of notes and smiles at me. Then Larry starts to critique my picks, telling me all the problems with them, drawing on his wealth of opinions. I tune him out and start browsing, some series of blog posts had given me quite the shopping list.

Be sure to check out the great lists provided by the authors/creators/bloggers/reviewers this last week and a half!

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