Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Things Nero Wolfe Said*

The topic for this week’s Top Ten Tuesdays is the Top Ten Things Characters Have Said

If I took that too loosely, I’d spend weeks trying to narrow this down. So I decided to limit it to one character–Nero Wolfe. He’s easily the most quotable character I can think of (with the possible exception of Archie Goodwin, who narrates the Wolfe books). But I didn’t have time to do a thorough job of that, either. But I was able to cobble together a decent collection of quotations. Give me a year, and I’ll come up with something more definitive (or I’ll have a selection of 90+ items and will freeze up in trying to whittle it down).

But first,

Who is Nero Wolfe?

Nero Wolfe, fictional American private detective, the eccentric protagonist of 46 mystery stories by Rex Stout. Wolfe was introduced in Fer-de-Lance (1934).

A man of expansive appetites and sophisticated tastes, Wolfe is corpulent and moody. Detesting mechanized vehicles and disdaining most humans, he is averse to leaving his home for business reasons; he assigns the physical investigations of murders to his associate and friend Archie Goodwin and manages to solve his mysteries without leaving his own confines. Another of Wolfe’s associates is his private chef, Fritz Brenner, who also works as Wolfe’s butler and handyman. Wolfe’s interest in food is equaled only by his passion for orchids: with the aid of Theodore Horstman, he nurtures some 10,000 orchid plants in his rooftop garden.

by: The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. "Nero Wolfe". Encyclopedia Britannica, 15 Oct. 2012, https://www.britannica.com/topic/Nero-Wolfe. Accessed 3 March 2025.

Top Ten Things Nero Wolfe Said * That I Can Think of Without Re-Reading the Corpus

	To me the relationship of host and guest is sacred. The guest is a jewel resting on the cushion of hospitality.
	…with the quarry within reach, the purpose fixed, and the weapon in hand, it will often require up to eight or ten minutes to kill a fly, whereas the average murder, I would guess, consumes ten or fifteen seconds at the outside.
	Man’s brain, enlarged fortuitously, invented words in an ambitious attempt to learn how to think, only to have them usurped by his emotions. But we still try.
	Since I entered this room you have made nothing but mistakes. You were without courtesy, which was offensive. You made a statement contrary to fact, which was stupid. You confused conjecture with knowledge, which was disingenuous.
	I carry this fat to insulate my feelings. They got too strong for me once or twice and I had that idea. If I had stayed lean and kept moving around I would have been dead long ago…I used to be idiotically romantic. I still am, but I’ve got it in hand.
	Maintaining integrity as a private detective is difficult; to preserve it for the hundred thousand words of a book would be impossible for me, as it has been for so many others. Nothing corrupts a man so deeply as writing a book; the myriad temptations are overwhelming.
	I love to make a mistake, it is my only assurance that I cannot reasonably be expected to assume the burden of omniscience.
	Sir, I would not enter a taxicab for a chance to solve the Sphinx’s deepest riddles with all the Nile’s cargo for my reward! Good God. A taxicab…You observe my bulk. I am not immovable, but my flesh has a constitutional reluctance to sudden, violent, or sustained displacement.
	[Dina Laszio] leaned back. “Marko told me once, long ago, that you don’t like women.” Wolfe shook his head. “I can only say, nonsense again. I couldn’t rise to that impudence. Not like women? They are astounding and successful animals. For reasons of convenience, I merely preserve an appearance of immunity which I developed some years ago under the pressure of necessity. I confess to a specific animus toward you. Marko Vukcic is my friend; you were his wife; and you deserted him. I don’t like you.”
	I understand the technique of eccentricity; it would be futile for a man to labor at establishing a reputation for oddity if he were ready at the slightest provocation to revert to normal action.