Category: Fiction Page 42 of 317

I’m Sending Some Mixed Messages about BaIT by D.I. Jolly (and picked up some from BaIT, too)

A little later this afternoon, I’ll be posting a Q&A with the author!


BaITBaIT

by D.I. Jolly

DETAILS:
Publication Date: February 21, 2023
Format: eBook
Length: 240 pg.
Read Date: April 14-15, 2023


What’s BaIT About?

Amber is a few short months away from leaving high school behind, going to college, and studying to become a teacher. It will be difficult saying goodbye to her best friend, Jessica, who is moving across the country, and to her boyfriend (and almost certain future husband), Frankie, who is also moving out of state for college—but she’s going to be okay. She has a plan, she’s got her hunk of a boyfriend, and life is looking good. Her future’s so bright, she’s gotta wear shades.

Until one day when a young man comes into the coffee shop that she’s working in and takes her breath away. He’s gorgeous, he’s shy, and she can’t stop thinking about him. It’s not just her, Jessica, is almost as smitten—but Bastian (as they learn he’s called) really only seems interested in Amber.

What neither girl realizes that beyond their giggling lusting and certainty about true love—Bastian coming into their lives brings threats and complications that they didn’t know existed. It’s not long before Amber is involved in ages-old struggles between werewolves and vampires, werewolves and werewolves, and a father and son. None of these characters will move on unchanged.

Worldbuilding

This is the best part of the book, period. The particular take on Werewolves here (and to a lesser extent, Vampires) really worked for me. There’s a little bit of the flavor of The Marrok from the Mercy Thompson series—but there’s group of elders instead of just Bram (and many other differences, but like I said—flavor).

There’s reason to think that this exists in the same world as his Mostly Human books. But it feels like the werewolves are organized differently (for lack of a better term). This raises some questions: are there multiple types of lycanthropes in this world and different types of lycanthropic magics? Has Jolly changed the way he thinks about them in this world? Has he just been inadvertently inconsistent? I ask about this in a Q&A with Jolly that will go up in an hour or so, but I haven’t read his response yet. So go see what he said to get a better take on this paragraph.

There’s also this Djalia-esque place/plane of existence where Bastian communicates with some people who I won’t identify. That was an excellent touch and proved to be a good way for Bastian to develop.

Even the concept of soulmate is an intriguing addition to this world—and if it had been presented differently, I might not have the concerns I’m about to talk about.

Consent

Vague spoilers ahead. Feel free to skip to the next section header.

This novel was pitched to me as “a Paranormal YA-Romance novel focusing on the theme of consent”. This is not my typical cup of tea, but I’ve read enough of all of those to be interested in Jolly’s take on them (especially in combination). When I wrote about his Mostly Human 2, I talked about wanting to see a Lad Lit novel by him, and this might be something in that direction. So I went for it.

First, this is not what I’d call YA. NA/New Adult—sure. But that’s not what I want to talk about.

There is a storyline that comes up later in the book all about consent in the ways you typically think about that storyline. Impaired judgment tied to underage drinking (not for a second saying it’s deserved or excusable, just painting the scene) and some jerk not bothering to get consent (or care about it in the first place). It’s dealt with well, Jolly is really good here. I do wonder if the punishment fits the crime, but hey…when you deal with werewolves and vampires (even if you don’t know it), things happen.

If that’s all that happened, I’d wonder why it was described as “about consent” because while it’s a vital storyline, it happens relatively late in the novel.

I can’t help but wonder, however, how the novel undercuts what it wants to say about consent. Throughout the novel Amber, Jessica, Frankie, and Bastian are really careful along those lines, and everyone is open and honest about their desires. But there’s this magic whammy of the Soulmate at work. Where Amber and Bastian are tied together emotionally, physically, and supernaturally before they know each other.

Can Amber and Bastian truly be said to consent to anything? It’s definitely not an informed consent. Had the whole soulmate thing grown out of their bond, or enhanced what happened naturally, that’d be fine. But truly they had no agency here—they chose to spend time together, to love each other, to be intimate with each other, and so on. But could they have made any other choice? I can’t buy it.

I might have missed something. I might be misinterpreting something—I absolutely am open to that. But for now…ick.

So, what did I think about BaIT?

This is a tough one to write. Jolly and I have interacted a bit over the years and I like him as much as you can like someone you’ve emailed with a couple dozen times. I enjoy his writing on the whole and look forward to seeing new books by him. And I have no doubt that there are people who are really going to get into this book and want more like it. And more power to them.

I am not one of those people.

It’s not just the consent issue (although that’s part of it). It’s not that I’m a prude and this book is definitely (and almost aggressively) “sex-positive” (although both are true, I’ve read and enjoyed more graphic work since this book).

Some of what put me off were the intensity of every thought and emotion expressed—it really felt like everything said, thought, or felt by the characters in their teens and twenties should’ve been accompanied by 5+ exclamation points. The pacing of the relationships, personal growth and change, and the story felt off and too accelerated to be believable.

I really think that this book plays into his strengths (it’s very much along the lines of the parts of Mostly Human 2 that I thought were the most successful). There are some great moments (Frankie witnessing werewolves changing and realizing what he was seeing, for example). There were some promising characters. Again, I really liked the Elders council idea. But for every “pro” in this book, I had two or three “con”s.

I’m not—very carefully and deliberately—saying, “don’t read this book.” I’m saying, “go into it with open eyes.” It’s a book that feels to me like it needs—like its primary characters—to grow up and mature a bit.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for this post and my honest opinion.

This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase from it, I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you. As always, the opinions expressed are my own.

COVER REVEAL: Sea of Souls by N. C. Scrimgeour

Sea of Souls Cover Reveal Banner

I’m very pleased to welcome the Escapist Book Tour’s Cover Reveal for N. C. Scrimgeour’s Sea of Souls to The Irresponsible Reader this morning! Before we get to revealing the cover, let’s learn a little bit about the book and author, shall we? It’ll just take a moment, and then we can all feast on the cover.

Book Details:

Book Title: Sea of Souls by N. C. Scrimgeour
Series: Sea of Souls Saga
Genre: Dark/Folklore Fantasy
Intended Age Group: Adult
Length: TBC/approx. 125k words
Release date: August 4, 2023
Publisher: Alcruix Press (Self Published)

About the Book

Dark be the water, and darker still the creatures that lurk within…

Free-spirited Isla Blackwood has never accepted the shackles of her family’s nobility. Instead, she sails the open waters, searching for belonging on the waves.

But when tragedy calls Isla home, she realizes she can no longer escape the duty she’s been running from. Selkie raiders have been terrorizing the island’s coasts, and when they strike at Blackwood Estate, Isla is forced to flee with her hot-headed brother and brooding swordmaster.

To avenge her family and reclaim her home, Isla will have to set aside old grudges and join forces with an exiled selkie searching for a lost pelt. The heirloom might be the key to stopping the bloody conflict—but only if they can steal it from the island’s most notorious selkie hunter, the Grand Admiral himself.

Caught between a promise to the brother she once left behind and an unlikely friendship with the selkie who should have been her enemy, Isla soon realizes the open seas aren’t the only treacherous waters she’ll need to navigate.

As enemies close in on all sides, she must decide once and for all where her loyalties lie if she wants to save what’s left of her family—and find the belonging she’s been searching for.

Content/Trigger Warnings:

  • Alcohol/alcoholism

  • Amputation

  • Animal
    death (fictional/in-world creatures)

  • Assault

  • Attempted
    murder

  • Blood

  • Bodies/corpses

  • Body horror

  • Bones

  • Child death
    (off-page, mentioned only)

  • Classism

  • Death

  • Decapitation

  • Emotional
    abuse

  • Forced
    captivity

  • Gore

  • Gun
    violence

  • Hallucinations

  • Hunting

  • Injury

  • Murder

  • Physical
    abuse

  • Poisoning

  • Pregnancy

  • Prejudice
    (fictional/in-world)

  • Profanity

  • Self-harm
    (ritualistic)

  • Skeletons/skulls

  • Violence

See Also:

A Compass that Doesn’t Point North • Under the Sea •
How Dangerous Can a Seal Really Be, Anyway?

Book Links

Universal Amazon Link

About the Author

N.C. ScrimgeourN. C. Scrimgeour is a science fiction and fantasy author whose books focus on character-driven stories in vibrant worlds, from folklore fantasy to space opera.

After completing her Masters in English Literature, she went on to work in journalism and marketing and communications while pursuing her passion in writing.

When she’s not writing, she enjoys playing story-driven RPGs, watching and reading all things science fiction and fantasy, and getting outdoors with the dog for a good walk

Website ~ Twitter ~ Instagram ~ Facebook ~ TikTok ~ Goodreads

and now…

The Cover

Sea of Souls Cover

I love that cover. Arresting design.



My thanks to Escapist Book Tours for the invitation to participate in this tour and the materials they provided. The opinions expressed by me are honest and my own.

Escapist Book Tours

A Necromancer Called Gam Gam by Adam Holcombe: Knitting, Skeletal Cats, and Other Kinds of Magic

A Necromancer Called Gam GamA Necromancer Called Gam Gam

by Adam Holcombe

DETAILS:
Series: Chronicles of Gam Gam, Book One
Publisher: Bounty Ink Press
Publication Date: May 30, 2023
Format: eBook
Length: 110
Read Date: June 3-5, 2023


A cat, free from the restraints of flesh, muscle, and organ, stretched on the edge of the wagon, as if that would do anything for its skeletal body. Then it jumped down next to Mina and plodded over to the woman, who had returned to her chair by the fire. A partially- knitted scarf coiled in her lap as she continued to work on it. The skeletal cat found a comfortable piece of the woman’s dress, curled up at her feet, and licked its non- existent crotch with a non- existent tongue.

What’s A Necromancer Called Gam Gam About?

Twelve-year-old Mina is being pursued by armed men—armed men who had just killed her father. She has a special kind of magic, and those in power want to use her because of it.

She runs across a kindly grandmotherly type who introduces herself as Gam Gam. Gam Gam, it turns out, is a necromancer with a soft spot for endangered little girls. (probably endangered women, and males of all ages, too). She takes her Mina in and promises her safety. Gam Gam is a necromancer and can back up that promise (not definitively, but more than most people can).

They tell each other their stories—Mina tells her why she’s on the run, and Gam Gam tells her that she became a necromancer after the death of her grandchildren so she could resurrect them.

But first, Gam Gam decides that she needs to do something to keep Mina safe.

The Types of Magic

The bundle of bones at the top of the stove raised its feline skull and looked at Mina, then disregarded her and returned to a nap. Why did skeletal cats need so many naps?

Great question. But that’s not what I want to talk about here.

We see two types of magic portrayed with our two protagonists—with others floating out there in this world for us to encounter in future installments, I assume.

Necromancy is rarely something I’m interested in reading about unless the necromancer is about to be thwarted. I know there are exceptions (including here), but it’s hard to think about magic involving reanimating the dead as a good thing. But Holcombe not only makes that specialty seem interesting but gives the reader a necromancer you can root for.

I really liked the way one of the characters describes Gam Gam’s magic to Mina. It grounded the practice, for starters—you could understand it. It’s also idiosyncratic enough to fit Gam Gam to a T. From that point on, I could see that explanation at work—even when the text doesn’t refer to it.

Now Mina’s magic is a kind I’ve never encountered before—maybe a few things like it (particularly in SF rather than fantasy)—but it took almost no time at all for Holcombe to convey the potential—both for a character in fiction, as well as for an evil empire to exploit. In the hands of someone with little experience—for example, a 12-year-old—it could be dangerous. Okay, it could be dangerous in the hands of anyone, but people with experience would control and target the damage they inflict, a child would just inflict damage.

Having a novel (or novella, in this case) with a great magic system is a good start—but it’s how you convey the use of magic to the reader that’s the make/break point for me. And Holcombe nails this part. Mina’s as well as Gam Gam’s. This is a big selling point for me.

The Unexpected Content

Tears escaped her and raced down her cheeks. Was it possible to ever run out of tears? She couldn’t possibly have many more before she would start shriveling up.

Okay, you’ve got this friendly and caring Grandmother-type character. You’ve got a lost little girl who needs comfort. There’s a cute (in a certain way) cat. And using knitted goods as a bribe/reward/gift for the undead. Really, this sounds like it’s full of warm fuzzies and maybe a little bit of fun along with the adventure that a Fantasy should bring. Rightly or wrongly, I expected something with a similar tone to A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking.

And it’s there. However…

You’re dealing with a twelve-year-old girl whose devoted father was murdered in his own home trying to protect her. She’s on the run from armed men who are out to use her for their own purposes. You’re also dealing with an elderly woman who mastered an entire type of magic at her advanced age fueled by grief in a gambit to cheat death. There’s nothing warm and fuzzy there.

These two characters are suffering—they need each other to get through what they’re dealing with. There’s healing (and the promise of more to come). But healing, comfort, and all that comes at the end. The cliché “the only way out is through” comes to mind here—most of this book (and likely future books) is in the “through.”

This is a bigger selling point for me.

So, what did I think about A Necromancer Called Gam Gam?

When [the zombie] chose socks, Gam Gam instructed it to lift a foot, then tugged the sock into place.

“Is this necessary, Gam Gam? Can they even feel the cold?” Mina asked.

“Of course it’s necessary, sweetie,” Gam Gam said as she pulled the second sock onto the zombie’s other foot. “Just because they’re undead doesn’t mean they have to be neglected.”

I was charmed instantly by this book, and that only grew throughout. Particularly once I cottened on to the fact that it wasn’t going to be a cozy kind of read—despite the scarves and sweaters. Once I saw what Holcombe was up to, I really got into things.

I don’t want to spoil anything but don’t get attached to any character. Just sayin.’ (okay, it’s called Book One of Chronicles of Gam Gam, so it’s probably safe to get attached to one. Although, given the loose correlation between death and characters doing things in this book…)

Holcombe has created a great little world for his characters to dwell in, and pairing Mina and Gam Gam together is a big one. He knows how to show the emotions of the moment—and to get the readers to buy into it. Even better, his depictions of the way magic works here are really well executed.

Even his choice of novella-length was smart. This isn’t a story that would work well with another 2-300 pages to tell it. Nor should it be the first part of a novel—this tight story is one that needs to be by itself.

I see that there’s a short story in this world that takes place sometime before this novel. I’ll be jumping on that soon while I begin the wait for Book Two.

This is a short read that packs the punch of a longer one, and I encourage you to give it a shot.


4 Stars

This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase from it, I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you. As always, the opinions expressed are my own.

20 Books of Summer 2023: This Summer I Settle All Family Business

20 Books of Summer
Cathy at 746 Books is hosting 20 Books of Summer again. This challenge has been fun the few years and has proved to be a good way for me to actually focus on things I’ve gotten distracted from and/or impulse buys. This year, my personal theme is “This Summer I Settle All Family Business.” “All” isn’t quite right, but it’s close. I’m using this to take care of another reading challenge, to catch up on my Literary Locals reading, and to put a major dent in my Mt. TBR. It’s an ambitious list in a sense, but, I think I can do it. I mentioned the 3 Jackson Ford books on 2 posts last year as things I wanted to finish in 2022–and well, here they are. So I can at least catch up with some of my ambitions from last year (blech).

As usual, I’m going with the unofficial US Dates for Summer—Memorial Day to Labor Day (May 29 through September 4th), just because it’s easier for me to think that way. And I’ve needed those first few days of September more than once, but let’s not think about that. The mildly observant among you will note that I’m posting this after May 29, so I’m already late. At the earliest, I’ll start reading for this on June 5. We’ll make it interesting (I think it was last year or the year before I barely started before July, I will do better than that this year. Most likely).

There’s still time to join in the fun–if you’re into this kind of thing. (there are 10 and 15 book versions, too)

This summer, my 20 are going to be:

1. The Curse of the Silver Pharaoh by Pip Ballantine and Tee Morris
2. Spirelli Paranormal Investigations: Episodes 1-3 by Kate Baray
3. The Lemon Man by Ken Bruton
4. The Flood Circle by Harry Connolly
5. Barking for Business by E.N. Crane
6. Random Sh*t Flying Through the Air by Jackson Ford
7. Eye of the Sh*t Storm by Jackson Ford
8. A Sh*tload of Crazy Powers by Jackson Ford
9. The Ink Black Heart by Robert Galbraith
10. Stone of Asylum by Hilarey Johnson
11. Proxies by James T. Lambert
12. Teaching Moments by Troy Lambert
13. Stray Ally by Troy Lambert
14. Cutthroat Cupcakes by Cate Lawley
15. Shadow Ranch by Rebecca Carey Lyles
16. Pure of Heart by Danielle Parker
17. The Worst Man by Jon Rance
18. However Long the Day by Justin Reed
19. Klone’s Stronghold by Joyce Reynolds-Ward
20. Fuzzwiggs: The Switcheroo by Amy Maren Rice

(subject to change, as is allowed, but I’m going to resist the impulse to tweak as much as I can).

20 Books of Summer '23 Chart

Man on a Murder Cycle by Mark Pepper: Move Over SAMCROW, You’ve Got Nothing on This Biker

Man on a Murder CycleMan on a Murder Cycle

by Mark Pepper

DETAILS:
Publisher: Red Dog Press
Publication Date: May 30, 2023
Format: eARC
Length: 495 pg.
Read Date: May 24-30, 2023

Not What I Thought I Was Getting Into

At a certain point, I realized this novel was going in a direction that I wasn’t expecting—and not in an “I didn’t see that twist coming” way, but in a metaphysical sense. I was a little annoyed, to be honest. I felt like Pepper was cheating, changing the rules governing the book like he did. I was still going to finish it—you give me an ARC, I’ll read it. Also, I was curious about the fate of one or two of the characters. I just was less enthused about the prospect.

In a minor huff, I went to Red Dog’s website to read the description and realized I’d read only most of it initially (when I copied and pasted the text into my cover reveal). I got to a certain point, saw where the blurb was going (or so I thought), remembered Pepper’s Man Down, and put the thing on the TBR.

No one cheated. No one changed anything. There was no bait-and-switch here. I just didn’t do due diligence. I probably wouldn’t have read this if I’d read the whole thing.

And I’d have missed out on something I’m going to remember for a while—because once the (for lack of a better term) supernatural element entered the novel, it got a lot more twisted, darker, and exciting.

Let that be a lesson, kids—read the whole description. And then give the benefit of the doubt to a writer you enjoyed already. Or skip the description part and just trust the writer.

Wait a Second—What’s Man on a Murder Cycle About in the First Place?

Oh, yeah, I’ve gotten a little ahead of myself.

Tom Roker is a writer. Well, he wrote one very successful thriller some time ago. And has written four stinkers since then—so bad that his agent can’t get anyone to publish them, despite the (now waning) shine his previous success might bring.

While his writing has gotten worse—his desperation to repeat his success has built—driving him to work on his books more and more. Which had a horrible impact on his wife and daughter. Well, his now-remarried ex-wife and daughter who now live in the U.S.

While giving his agent his latest novel (which she’s pretty sure is going to be as bad as the others), she mentions that she’s just received a new manuscript from an unknown author that’s as good as his first book. This was her first mistake. She then agrees to let Roker read it and gives him her copy. This is her second mistake.

He reads it and is blown away—yes, it shows just how bad his current work is—and it could’ve been written by the author he was years ago. Coincidentally, Roker sees that the author had just been killed. And he hatches a plan. They publish the book under his name, his agent pockets a larger-than-usual commission, and no one is the wiser. She signs on to this plan (after he blackmails her a bit)—this is her third big mistake. Many more follow.

Things happen. The book is published—and Roker is re-invigorated. He’s writing like he used to.

But then the police show up—people are being killed using the methods employed by the maniac in “Roker’s” new book. Guess who suspect #1 is?

If nothing else, this book should ensure that no one ever plagiarizes Mark Pepper.

A Couple of Content Warnings

There’s an attempted rape scene—emphasis on attempted. But still, that can be too much for some readers. So caveat lector.

There’s also a scene that’s difficult to categorize…it’s kind of a rape scene, but it’s also a psychosexual game played by the “victim.” It’s (intentionally) disturbing and off-putting. If you can get through the previous attempt, you’ll be okay once you’re past this one.

There are, of course, also several murders. Gory, bloody, and macabre. We read about most of them after the fact, or see the lead-up to it without getting the details of the killing itself. That’s pretty much a given, I realize, but while I’m talking about potential areas of revulsion, I thought I’d throw that in.

So, Was I Right?

When I posted my spotlight on the book yesterday, I was around 75-80% through the book and said, “At this point, I can think of at least 5 different ways this book will likely end.” Three of them would’ve been satisfactory, the other two less so—but I assumed that had Pepper picked one of those he’d sell me on it.

So how close was I? Let’s imagine that the right answer is in the heart of Chicago, Illinois. I might as well have been camping out on Triton, Neptune’s largest moon.

Thankfully, I’d also said, “I’m pretty sure they’re all wrong—and what I have waiting for me over the next 25% is going to throw me for a loop.”

So I’m counting this as a win—I was correct when I said I was wrong, and the several loops that came in those closing pages were wilder than I’d have bargained for.

So, what did I think about Man on a Murder Cycle?

The first chapter of this book was stunning. If the rest of the book disappointed me, I still would’ve given it 3 stars based on that chapter. (thankfully, I didn’t have to, so this post would’ve been very difficult to write)

I wonder if the Epilogue takes away a bit of the punch of the last page. But it made me smile, so I’m not going to complain. I’ll just wonder.

Everything in between was a heckuva ride. I think I’ve used all the adjectives I want to use here already in this post: Twisting, dark, exciting, gory, bloody, and macabre. That sums it up. There’s a tinge of hope, too—but given the rest of the book, you wonder if it’s misplaced when you’re feeling it (and I’m not going to say). I really don’t know what else to say here while not giving away too much.

There’s a dark humor that shines through frequently—particularly in the closing stages of the book. There are a couple of scenes that I imagine Pepper smiled throughout the writing, and if you have a certain sense of humor, you will, too.

This is not for everyone. How many books worth the time are? But this is for a narrower audience than others. But for those who read the description and are intrigued? You’re in for a treat.

Disclaimer: I received this eARC from Red Dog Press in exchange for this post and my honest opinion—thanks for this.


4 1/2 Stars

PUB DAY SPOTLIGHT: Man on a Murder Cycle by Mark Pepper

I’d been planning on posting about Mark Peppers’s Man on a Murder Cycle this morning, but sadly I’m about an hour away from finishing it. Hopefully I can get something in this space tomorrow. But, today is Release Day and I want to get at least something up about it today–Mark Pepper and Red Dog Press have put out a heckuva book and I want to help them get eyeballs on it. At this point, I can think of at least 5 different ways this book will likely end, and I’m pretty sure they’re all wrong–and what I have waiting for me over the next 25% is going to throw me for a loop.

Book Details:

Book Title: Man on a Murder Cycle by Mark Pepper
Publisher: Red Dog Press
Release date: May 29, 2023
Format: Paperback/Ebook
Length: 505 pages
Man On a Murder Cycle

About the Book

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE AN AUTHOR BETRAYED.

Tom Roker’s debut thriller was an instant bestseller. Since then, he has written four more books, none of which have been published. His reputation has faded from overnight success to one-hit wonder.

Now, finally, he’s making a comeback. His latest novel, Man on a Murder Cycle, is a blockbuster. The dark tale of Milton, a vengeful biker with a penchant for brutal acts of violence, perfectly recaptures the mood of Roker’s first novel. And everyone loves it!

It’s just a shame he didn’t write it.

The real author is recently deceased. Roker stole the manuscript, passing it off as his own. He’s covered his tracks well, so the trivial matter of who wrote what can be overlooked.

That is, until a mad man on a big bike starts killing people, exactly as described in the stolen novel – even those scenes that didn’t make the final cut.

Only one person can know what was written in those scenes, and he’s dead.

Isn’t he?

Purchase Link

Get it from Red Dog Press

(it’s probably also available on Amazon, Kobo, Google Play Books, and all good bookshops—but why not support an independent publisher?)

About the Author

Mark PepperChris Mark lives in Manchester with his wife of 30 years, Jeannifer, and his daughter, Jade. 
In his day job, Mark is an Intelligence Analyst for a financial regulator in Washington DC. He is a qualified secondary school drama teacher, and worked as an actor for fifteen years, having graduated from RADA in 1990. 

His first two novels, The Short Cut and Man on a Murder Cycle, were published by Hodder & Stoughton, and his third, Veteran Avenue, originally published by Urbane and now by Red Dog Press. Veteran Avenue, is mainly set in LA, and is currently being developed as a TV series by the actor Warren Brown. 

Find him on twitter: @PepSixSix

The Ballad of Bonaduke—Episode 23: Grift or Die by R. T. Slaywood: Without a Paddle

The Ballad of BonadukeThe Ballad of Bonaduke—
Episode 23: Grift or Die

by R.T. Slaywood

DETAILS:
Series: The Ballad of Bonaduke, #23
Format: Kindle Vella Story
Read Date: May 25, 2023

I was reminded of the one time my father took me to a natural park…We had been walking for nearly 20 minutes in silence before we heard it shuffle through the underbrush ahead. A bear. Larger than life than [sic] and certainly bigger than any TV picture could have prepared me for. There was a switch in my head that knew immediately how dangerous it was.

The Story So Far…

A drunken Michael Bonaduke decides to use a grift (with maybe some sort of magic/magic-like “help”) to win on a scratch-off lottery ticket so he has money to buy more to drink. He pulls off whatever he did, gets his money and some booze and stumbles off into the darkness to drink himself into oblivion so he can start again the next day. He’s hit by dark memories (probably what’s driving him to the drinking) of fire, pleading, and screaming. There’s going to be a price to pay for his grift, and he’s trying to be ready.

Before then, he gets himself drunk and we get some of his tragic backstory. As he ponders this, he decides to use some of his ill-gotten-gains to buy more booze and walks into a liquor store robbery. He foils it in some sort of magical fashion, gets some more to drink, and heads off to the park to drink until he’s arrested (probably for the failed robbery). At least that’s his plan, but it gets interrupted by being hit by a car. He wakes up on some sort of short, metal bed and is unsure what’s going on. It turns out that some group is subjecting him to a test—if he passes, everything will be explained to him (and hopefully the reader, too). He passes—and is brought somewhere for answers, or maybe training, or maybe another test. Time will tell (or things are going to get really annoying). Answers aren’t quick to come—but the mysteries and questions keep piling up.

Things get hairy and Bonaduke leaves and finds himself back in the neighborhood he started from. Taking refuge in a homeless encampment, Bonaduke has to make some decisions. He starts to get his thoughts in order when the police begin a raid at the camp. During the raid, he’s apprehended by…well, we need to find out. But first, the interrogation kicks off—Bonaduke tries to work his grift to get him out, and while that effort starts off promisingly…it didn’t quite go the way he’d intended.

What’s Grift or Die About?

Er. Whoops. Yeah, he’s out of the police station, seeming free and clear. But he doesn’t have any of his possessions. No jacket, no keys, a wet shirt, and…it’s cold and rainy. Also, he has nowhere to go with the police crackdown on places that the homeless usually go to tonight. Nor can he remember where the apartment Alan and Om were in is. He has one idea but who knows if it’ll work.

So, what did I think about Grift or Die?

Okay, not a lot happens in this episode. But it’s the way that things don’t happen that saves it. The next episode is set up well here, and it kept the reader’s attention.

If it’d gone on longer and got to something beyond where it ended, I might have been happier (and have had something to say), but it wasn’t and I don’t.


3 Stars

Towel Day ’23: Scattered Thoughts about Reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy


I’ve been trying for a few years now to come up with a tribute to Adams. This isn’t quite what I had in mind, but it’s a start. In my mind, this is a work in progress, but I’m posting it anyway. Next year’s version will be better—or at least more complete.


Some time in 7th or 8th grade (I believe), I was at a friend’s house and his brother let us try his copy of the text-based Hitchhiker’s Guide game, and we were no good at it at all. Really, it was embarrassing. However, his brother had a copy of the first novel, and we all figured that the novel held the keys we needed for success with the game (alas, it did not help us one whit). My friends all decided that I’d be the one to read the book and come back in a few days as an expert.

I fell in love with the book almost instantly and I quickly forgot about the game. Adams’ irreverent style rocked my world—could people actually get away with saying some of these things? His skewed take on the world, his style, his humor…and a depressed robot, too! It was truly love at first read. As I recall, I started re-reading it as soon as I finished it—the only time in my life I’ve done that sort of thing.

It was one of those experiences that, looking back, I can say shaped my reading and thinking for the rest of my life (make of that what you will). Were my life the subject of a Doctor Who or Legends of Tomorrow episode, it’d be one of those immutable fixed points. I got my hands on the next three books as quickly as I could (the idea of a four-volume trilogy was one of the funniest ideas I’d encountered up to that point), and devoured them. I do know that I didn’t understand all of the humor, several of the references shot past me at the speed of light, and I couldn’t appreciate everything that was being satirized. But what I did understand I thought was brilliant. Not only did I find it funny, the series taught me about comedy—how to construct a joke, how to twist it in ways a reader wouldn’t always expect, and when not to twist but to go for the obviously funny idea. The trilogy also helped me to learn to see the absurdity in life.

I read the books (particularly the first) so many times that I can quote significant portions of them, and frequently do so without noticing that I’m doing that. I have (at this time) two literary-inspired tattoos, one of which is the planet logo* featured on the original US covers. In essence, I’m saying that Adams and the series that made him famous have had an outsized influence on my life and are probably my biggest enduring fandom. If carrying around a (massively useful) piece of cloth for a day in some small way honors his memory? Sure, I’m in.

So, Happy Towel Day You Hoopy Froods.

* I didn’t know it at the time, but Adams didn’t like that guy. Whoops.

Douglas Adams’ London by Yvette Keller: The Map of London I Never Knew I Needed

Douglas Adams’ London Douglas Adams’ London

by Yvette Keller

DETAILS:
Publisher: Herb Lester Associates
Publication Date: April 15, 2023
Length: 2 pgs.
Read Date: May 6, 2023


What’s Douglas Adams’ London?

This is a map of important locations (42 of them, of course) in London for Douglas Adams, the Dirk Gently series, and/or the Hitchhiker’s Guide series.

The reverse side explains why the locations were selected and gives some biographical information about Adams’ relation to each spot. I loved learning something about Hotblack Desiato, Fenchurch’s apartment, the pizza place Dirk Gently talked about, and so on.

The Design/Art

The map itself has some nice little bits of art scattered throughout—cartoonish little sketches of things like a dolphin, a sperm whale, and a certain depressed android. Just fantastic illustrations that made an already interesting map into something you want to come back to time and again.

The people at Herb Lester Associates who put this together did a simply wonderful job.

So, what did I think about Douglas Adams’ London?

I’ve already given up on my dream of wandering around London—but, boy, howdy, this makes me want to go even more.

Keller is described as “the planet earth authority on Douglas Adams literary tourism,” and will soon publish a travel guide to London. Who better to put something like this together?

Douglas Adams’ London is a gem—even if you never get the chance to put this information into action, it’s great to have.

This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase from it, I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you. As always, the opinions expressed are my own.

Towel Day ’23: Some of my favorite Adams lines . . .

(updated 5/25/23)

There’s a great temptation here for me to go crazy and use so many quotations that I’d get in copyright trouble. I’ll refrain from that and just list some of his best lines . . .*

* The fact that this list keeps expanding from year to year says something about my position on flirting with temptation.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

This must be Thursday. . . I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

“You’d better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”

“What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?”

“You ask a glass of water.”

(I’m not sure why, but this has always made me chuckle, if not actually laugh out loud. It’s just never not funny. It’s possibly the line that made me a fan of Adams)

He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centuari. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before . . .

“Look,” said Arthur, “would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.


The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

It is a curious fact, and one to which no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85 percent of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N-N-T’Nix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations on the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between the Sivolvian “chinanto/mnigs” which is ordinary water served at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan “tzjin-anthony-ks” which kills cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were all invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other worlds.

Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Life is wasted on the living.


Life, The Universe and Everything

Life, the Universe, and Everything

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying. There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

(It goes on for quite a while after this—and I love every bit of it.)

“One of the interesting things about space,” Arthur heard Slartibartfast saying . . . “is how dull it is?”

“Dull?” . . .

“Yes,” said Slartibartfast, “staggeringly dull. Bewilderingly so. You see, there’s so much of it and so little in it.”


So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Of course, one never has the slightest notion what size or shape different species are going to turn out to be, but if you were to take the findings of the latest Mid-Galactic Census report as any kind of accurate guide to statistical averages you would probably guess that the craft would hold about six people, and you would be right. You’d probably guessed that anyway. The Census report, like most such surveys, had cost an awful lot of money and told nobody anything they didn’t already know—except that every single person in the Galaxy had 2.4 legs and owned a hyena. Since this was clearly not true the whole thing eventually had to be scrapped.

Here was something that Ford felt he could speak about with authority. “Life,” he said, “is like a grapefruit.”

“Er, how so?”

“Well, it’s sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It’s got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.”

“Is there anyone else out there I can talk to?”

Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her. “Why’s this fish so bloody good?” he demanded, angrily.

“Please excuse my friend,” said Fenchurch to the startled waitress. “I think he’s having a nice day at last.”


Mostly Harmless

Mostly Harmless

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Fall, though, is the worst. Few things are worse than fall in New York. Some of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats would disagree, but most of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats are highly disagreeable anyways, so their opinion can and should be discounted.


Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

There is no point in using the word ‘impossible’ to describe something that has clearly happened.

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.

Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

(I’ve often been tempted to get a tattoo of this)


The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.’

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.

She stared at them with the worried frown of a drunk trying to work out why the door is dancing.

It was his subconscious which told him this—that infuriating part of a person’s brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing.

As she lay beneath a pile of rubble, in pain, darkness, and choking dust, trying to find sensation in her limbs, she was at least relieved to be able to think that she hadn’t merely been imagining that this was a bad day. So thinking, she passed out.


The Last Chance to See

The Last Chance to See

“So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I were stupid. “You die, of course. That’s what deadly means.”

I’ve never understood all this fuss people make about the dawn. I’ve seen a few and they’re never as good as the photographs, which have the additional advantage of being things you can look at when you’re in the right frame of mind, which is usually around lunchtime.

I have the instinctive reaction of a Western man when confronted with sublimely incomprehensible. I grab my camera and start to photograph it.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The aye-aye is a nocturnal lemur. It is a very strange-looking creature that seems to have been assembled from bits of other animals. It looks a little like a large cat with a bat’s ears, a beaver’s teeth, a tail like a large ostrich feather, a middle finger like a long dead twig and enormous eyes that seem to peer past you into a totally different world which exists just over your left shoulder.

One of the characteristics that laymen find most odd about zoologists is their insatiable enthusiasm for animal droppings. I can understand, of course, that the droppings yield a great deal of information about the habits and diets of the animals concerned, but nothing quite explains the sheer glee that the actual objects seem to inspire.

I mean, animals may not be intelligent, but they’re not as stupid as a lot of human beings.


The Salmon of Doubt

The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

I’ve come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.


And a couple of lines I’ve seen in assorted places, articles, books, and whatnot

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

A learning experience is one of those things that says, “You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”

The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.

Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there’s no point trying to look in that direction because it won’t be coming from there.

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