Tag: Off to See the Wizard

Off to See the Wizard by Clay Johnson


Here we are at the end of our day-long Book Tour stop for Off to See the Wizard (see Parts One, Two, and Three). Hope you enjoyed it.

Off to See the WizardOff to See the Wizard

by Clay Johnson

Kindle Edition, 373 pg.

Ravenswood Publishing, 2016
Read: April 18 – 22, 2016

From the beginning? Are you certain? The beginning is pretty dull, you know. All of the violence comes later. The beginning is just sex and blood and guts, and— yes, right, I see it now; fair point.

Let’s see… it began with that dwarf. At least, I think he was a dwarf. He may have been a child. I don’t honestly pay much attention to the jesters they hire. Mostly, they are little more than jingling bells in the background. I know he was very short. Wait! He had a beard. One of those awful, disgusting sort that grow scraggly and in patches. Looked like he’d glued stringy chunks of carpet to his cheeks; do you know the sort?

Yes, had to have been a dwarf.

A tale of an attempted apocalypse, a quest to thwart it, love (or something like it) in bloom, love (or something like it) in trouble, and the aftermath of it all. It may not sound like fodder for comedy, but in Clay Johnson’s hands, it is.

A royal feast ends abruptly, and in a disturbing way (although the way it’s narrated, its pretty humorous). And then soon, horrible things (mostly involving blood in places and amounts no one wants) start happening all over. Naturally, citizens, royalty and everyone in between demands answers — so they turn to a wizard to tell them what’s going on and how to stop it. The wizard has no clue (this will be a recurring theme), but sets off on a quest to find out. He takes his girlfriend, a swordsman, and a redshirt (the wizard has a strong sense of self-preservation). He soon regrets all of these choices — his girlfriend spends most of the time upset with him, the redshirt is a mopey kid who writes horrible poems (and is never used as cannon fodder), the swordsman deserts them. Thankfully, a better swordsman, and a drunken elf queen in training join up after that. Really, very little goes well on the quest.

Meanwhile, the Demon Lord who started the whole thing, really didn’t mean to — he was actually trying to do something else, and it went horribly wrong (I’ll leave it to you to learn what) — and he spends most of the book trying to ameliorate the situation and get his original purpose back on track. Very little goes well for him, either.

In the end, things are a giant mess, so a Royal Inquisitor is sent out to investigate it afterwards, and the book is a edited together compilation of transcripts of his interviews with witnesses, the quest party, the villains of the piece, and others. The mutually contradictory takes on the events given by the various interviewees are hilarious — each person has a strong voice, you pretty much get to the point where you skip the text identifying who’s speaking, you can tell who it is just from their language. It doesn’t take long for the reader to suss out how to take the competing versions and get to a pretty good idea of what really happened.

I don’t remember the details, and am short on time, so I can’t look for them. But somewhere, C. S. Lewis talks about why it’s appropriate (well, at least not totally inappropriate) to laugh at bawdy jokes if they’re cleverly told, involve some creative word play, and so on — not at the vulgarity of them. Given that cover by the noted apologist, I can freely admit that I laughed plenty at this. Johnson’s characters, their dialogue, and his creative use of words and imagery are wielded so well, that you just could help but laugh (even a few times when I knew Lewis wouldn’t approve of it). This is what Franco, McBride and the rest were going for in the movie Your Highness a couple of years ago — a funny fantasy. The Princess Bride for those who appreciate rated-R comedies.

For example, there’s a moment that got me laughing out loud — a lot — where someone inadvertently invents/coins one of the seven words you can’t couldn’t say on TV. The effect that word has on the most hardened criminals in the kingdoms was fantastic — it’s a moment that’ll stick with me for awhile.

From time to time the narrative started to drag a little bit, and I’d start to wonder if anything was actually going to happen. But within a page, I’d chuckle at something again and forget about the slow plot.

In the end, it was a little too off-color for me, but Johnson pulled it off in such a way that I was able to put that aside and enjoy his story and his story-telling. Really, Off to See the Wizard is the funniest thing I’ve read this year — and I can’t imagine much topping it.

Disclaimer: I received this book from the nice folks at Ravenswood Publishing in exchange for an honest review.

—–

4 Stars

Guest Post: The Machine Keeps Feeding Me by Clay Johnson


Welcome to Part Two of our participation in the Off to See the Wizard Book Tour (see Part One), a couple more posts will be up in a while. This is a Guest Post by Clay Johnson, the novel’s author, about his process:


I have to hear the words in my head before I start writing, or I’m pretty much hosed. I used to plan out the whole story, or at least try to. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, picturing the action and the plot points, really getting into the thing. I did a lot of imagining while listening to music. I figured if I could see what I wanted to write, then I was golden. Unfortunately, when it came time to actually sit down and do it, I’d hit a dry spot. It wasn’t writer’s block, though; it was more like I was incredibly bored. What I pictured so vividly in my head just wasn’t coming out anywhere nearly so thrilling, and in the few instances that it did I still wasn’t particularly captivated by the process. I kept trying though, and I kept ending up with a bunch of barely started or, at best, half-finished manuscripts.

One day, somewhere around senior year, of high school, instead of an idea, I had just a line. It wasn’t a particularly good line. It was something like: Bill woke up to find death staring down at him and asking if they had any nachos. But I liked what the line made me think of, and I was bored in class, so instead of trying to plan out what that story might be I just went with it. The result was an awesome mess. But it was an “awesome” mess. It was full of great little moments, and a lot of threads that led nowhere. I couldn’t use the story for anything, but I felt invigorated the whole way through. In working on that story I finally figured out my problem. If I knew where the story was going, I didn’t care. I’d already thought that part out; I just wanted to move on to the next story. Somewhere in the transition from over-planning to not planning, I’d found my voice.

I started riffing on just a line, or a vague idea built around a specific image. But the trick was that I had to be able to hear at least the opening line in my head. I had to be able to hear the voice the character would use. As long as I could tap into that, then I could continue the story. The rest seems to take place beneath the surface.

It feels like there is some constantly running story machine cranking away somewhere in the basement of my mind, and while I’m busy doing other things, it’s making connections and drawing paths between two unplanned plot points. Those are the moments I love the most when I write, those moments where two bits that I wrote on a whim meet up and fit together so well that I can’t believe they weren’t planned. Writing this way makes it harder in the revision process, because I end up with a lot of gems I want to keep and can’t, and there’s also a lot of connections that still have to be made after the fact, but almost always less of them than I would expect. As long as I can tap into the sound of the story, the way the words flow and the beat of the thing, the machine keeps feeding me.

Off to See the Wizard


Welcome to Part One of our participation in the Off to See the Wizard Book Tour — we’ve got a couple of Guest Posts from the author, Clay Johnson, and a review coming up in a bit.

Let me tell you a little about the book (well, let me steal some text from the publisher to talk about the book)

TITLE: Off to See the Wizard
RELEASE DATE: March 20, 2016
AUTHOR: Clay Johnson
KEYWORDS: fantasy, mystery, magic, wizards, fairies, ogres, elves
CATEGORIES: Epic/High Fantasy/Adventure
SYNOPSIS: At the end of most heroic quests, after a plucky band of heroes has averted the apocalypse, all is well, and everyone lives happily ever after… (until the next book in the series.)

Now, for the first time, readers get an in depth look into what really happens after the quest. This is the collected case file of the Grand Inquisitor’s investigation into the Misery Reach debacle. Read first hand as the participants try to explain their actions and make their case. Did the Demon Lord Krevassius really try to end the world just to impress a girl? Would everyone be better off if the Wizard Galbraith hadn’t invented a quest in order to stave off criticism? And what about an elf queen peeing on a Minotaur? A swordsman’s losing battle with a young raccoon? And the transvestite assassin with a heart of gold?

ONE LINER: Classic tale: villain starts apocalypse to meet a girl, people blame wizard, wizard invents quest to save himself, quest goes wrong, world goes to hell.

PAGE COUNT: 373
ISBN: 978-0692638170
IMPRINT: Chimera

Book Page: http://ravenswoodpublishing.com/bookpages/offtoseethewizard.html

AUTHOR BIO: Clay Johnson received an MFA from an old man running a forged documents booth under the 8th street bridge. When he’s not out saving the world as an international super spy and master of kung fu, he makes graphics and animation for a TV station. Clay lives with his wife and daughter in New Hampshire.

Author Link: http://www.ravenswoodpublishing.com/authors4.html#

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