I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman: The Cat’s in the Cradle and all that…

I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman Paperback, 328 pg. Berkley, 2020 Read: July 14, 2020 Grab a copy from your local indie bookstore!

I sighed. “And I’m leaving day after tomorrow for the college tour.”

She laughed. “There you go, that’ll be a total freaking disaster and therefore for a great distraction from the impending end of your career.”

“Wow, that’s super supportive.”

“I scare because I care.”

“Thanks.”

“In other news this, this morning Sasha told me I make her want jump off a cliff.”

“What prompted that?”

“I said her uniform skirt was too short.”

“And that gave rise to suicidal ideation?”

“Teenagers are all about balance and reason.”

The Mother

The essence of this book is right there—Jessica (a lawyer in a pretty big law firm in L.A.) is taking her daughter, Emily, on a college tour days after leveling an ultimatum at her boss–make some serious changes to the way the firm treats female lawyers, and do it soon, or she walks.* Being jobless might not be the best way to prepare for her daughter’s college years, but you do what you have to. It should be stressed, that there’s no way that Jessica is going to mention this to Emily.

* Jessica’s efforts to change her firm from within, and the two associates she champions, would make a decent novel. I don’t know that it’s a very Waxman-esque novel, but she gives us enough of a flavor of the story that the reader can write that in their mind

The trip isn’t just about colleges—it’s about Jessica and Emily having a chance to reconnect. To bond a little before Emily moves to the next stage of her life. Jessica fears that she wasn’t around enough during Emily’s childhood, and now that she’s on the verge of leaving, the gulf between the two is too large, and she’s regretting many choices she made while Emily was growing up. That’s not precisely true, she’d make just about all of them again, she regrets the unintended consequences of those choices.

The Daughter

Everyone tells you middle school is fun, and then you get there and it sucks. Then high school is going to be fun, but you get there and it both sucks and is really hard. Now, apparently, college is going to be fun, but it really seems like one more hurdle standing between me and actual happiness. Whatever that is.

Emily, on the other hand, is not looking forward to this trip. She’s not sure she wants to go to college (but she knows that’s the expected next step and is planning on taking it), she isn’t looking forward to that much time with her mother—especially in Jessica’s “plan for the future” mode—and there’s something pretty big that happened at school recently. Emily isn’t going to be telling her mother about it, either, but she knows that at any moment, someone from the school will be calling to talk to her mother. What good is planning for college when you’re not even sure you’re going to survive high school? Still, anything’s better than being at school for the next few days, so the trip won’t be a total loss.

The Trip

This is a group tour—put together by some college prep group—ten students and their parents are flying from L.A. to Washington D. C. to begin a whirlwind tour of some of the bigger-named colleges on the East Coast (including one “Ivy”). The kids are all from top-tier private schools, and (most of) the parents have a decent amount of money. Waxman is able to take this situation and make it seem not all that different from a family stuffing themselves into a car to go check out a state college or two. Turns out that caring parents want the best for their kids and want a decent relationship with them, no matter the family’s social stratus. Who knew, right?

In addition to the schools they’re breezing through, there are a few excursions to take in some local culture and even have some free time. Emily’s prompted Jessica to reach out to some of her old college friends while they’re out there, so their free time features such diversions as: an old boyfriend (who is not subtle not even a little bit about wanting to rekindle that old flame—at least temporarily); an old friend who is now a professor of philosophy, and pushes both mother and daughter to look at things in a new light; Jessica’s father who drove her to be the best (read: most successful) she could be, and doesn’t quite get Emily’s way of thinking.

Then there are the people on the tour—the reader doesn’t really get to know all the students/parents, but we focus on a few—there’s the geology/math geek (and his equally geeky mother), the cute and thoughtful boy (and his cute and thoughtful single father), and then there’s Alice and Dani.

I think if either Jessica or Emily had known they were going to be along, they’d have rescheduled the trip. “Alice is [in Emily’s words] the kind of girl we’re all supposed to be, but I don’t want to want to be her, if you get me.” She’s super popular, super ambitious, “she arrived on the first day of ninth grade and assumed control ten days later.” The two were friends for a few weeks before Alice moved into a higher social group. Meanwhile, Jessica describes Alice’s mother, “Daniella—Call me Dani—is not the kind of mother I want to be, but I think she’s the kind of mother I’m supposed to want to be.” The wife of a studio exec, she spends her time mothering and volunteering. The presence of these two they know, but don’t want to; have to be nice to, but don’t want to; gives the pair a common cause (and shows the reader how similar they are, even if neither can see it).

I could probably say a lot about this part of the book, but all I’m going to say about the tour and the tour group is that I could’ve easily enjoyed another week of them hitting various educational institutions and discussing them internally. I enjoyed every second of the tour/tour group we got to see. Naturally, we got a little bit of the College Admissions Scandal of recent history mixed in—and I appreciated the way Waxman worked that in.

The Heart of the Matter

I swear…I’ll be graduating college and Mom will be on a call. I watched her nervously through the window at first, but it was clearly the office; she looked base-level stressed and didn’t throw any accusing glances my way. She’d missed pretty much everything I did in elementary school because of work, and though I totally support her, girl power and all that, it’s irritating. She complains about a work all the time, too, so I can’t help noticing I’m coming second to something she doesn’t even like.

(In her defense, Jessica notes (about having her phone on her and access to her email), “This is the problem with being able to work from anywhere… you end up working from everywhere.”)

The core of the book is the mother-daughter story. Imagine Gilmore Girls, if Lorelai and Rory didn’t know how to talk to each other without it quickly turning into an argument (yes, I know, they had their moments, but there was a friendship under-girding it). Their relationship was so frustrating, just a little bit of openness and/or bravery on the part of either one of them would enable them to talk—it made me sad. At the same time, I thoroughly enjoyed the book—and had a lot of fun with it.

I loved both characters—and was heavily invested in both of their stories and loved their voices. Seeing both events—and their fights—from both perspectives was a great way for Waxman to approach this. On those occasions when the two were on the same page? It was golden. Just a delight to read and spend time with them when they were that way.

So, What Did I Think About I Was Told It Would Get Easier?

Waxman’s writing is smart, funny, and full of heart. Her characters (even the less pleasant ones) leap off the page and you can hear them as clearly as I can hear my pug snoring at my feet. Between this book and The Bookish Life of Nina Hill, I think you can consider me a Waxman fan—and I’ll be getting to her backlist as soon as I can.

The word that comes closest to encapsulating my experience with this book is pleasant. I simply liked everything about reading the novel—it took me out of my circumstances and served as a pleasant oasis for a few hours. Sometimes—frequently—that’s the best gift an author can give, and Waxman delivered as surely as Old Saint Nick ever did.

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