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The Secret & Hunting Virgins: Two Short Stories by Wayne Hawk: I Read It So You Don’t Have To

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On June 4, 2024

In Fiction, Literary Locals, Mystery/Detective Fiction/Crime Fiction/Thriller

The Secret & Hunting VirginThe Secret & Hunting Virgins:
Two Short Stories

by Wayne Hawk

DETAILS: 
Publisher: Page Publishing
Publication Date: September 10, 2020
Format: Paperback
Length: 80 pg.
Read Date: May 9, 2024

What’s The Secret & Hunting Virgin About?

These are two short stories, sort of linked by protagonists purporting to possess some unique spiritual role/status. They’re thrillers best described as a mix of realism and SF/Fantasy. That’s really all I can think of to link them.

The Secret

This story follows a man who cannot keep a secret as he takes a road trip to visit his father one last time before he dies. At his father’s deathbed, he learns a secret that will change the world. Somehow surviving a hail of bullets that don’t prevent him from learning this secret, he’s instead imprisoned on trumped-up charges and put into solitary confinement (while never explaining why the government doesn’t use one more bullet once there’s a clear shot). Will he be able to outwit the guards and other prison officials to broadcast this secret?

Hunting Virgins

This is both an experiment into how often—and in how many ways—the word “virgin” can be used in a 33-page story as well as the story of a team of hard-partying hazardous-tree removal experts. At some point, their leader has a religious conversion and leaves this profession to start a church on the other side of the U.S.

A decade later, he returns with an offer too good to be true (literally). He recruits his old team—plus his beautiful and virtuous daughter who shouldn’t be anywhere near these louts—to go with him to a portion of Siberia to clear part of a forest heretofore untouched by logging in exchange for a small fortune. Why Russian loggers are incapable of doing this for far less, we’re not told. Nor why any company thinks that logging in an area so difficult to get to makes any sense at all, especially when the expenses incurred to do that are so large.

But maybe their dangerous profession and the well-known hardships of the Siberian climate aren’t the most deadly things that lay in wait for them…

So, what did I think about The Secret & Hunting Virgin?

I honestly can’t tell you which story made me angrier—the plots were disappointing, unoriginal, and somehow nonsensically inexplicable at the same time. The characters were utterly unlikeable at best and contemptible (in an uninteresting way) most of the time. The writing was dry and uncompelling—and the ineptness of the prose was only challenged by its lack of clarity for the least appealing part of it.

The ways that Christian—or pseudo-Christian and near gnostic—ideas are scattered throughout these two stories are just as off-putting as the rest of the elements of this writing. I can’t tell if Hawk is really trying to tell stories with Christian themes* or if he’s just using the trappings of those themes the way that Pierce Brown uses the trappings of the Roman Empire to tell his stories. Either way, he fails.

* I’m using Christian in the broadest and most watered-down possible sense here.

“The Secret” features a couple of people with delusions of grandeur comparing themselves to Apostles to bring the world one of the tiredest ideas this side of Whitley Strieber. I wondered a few times if I’d have liked it more if Hawk hadn’t tried to compress the events into such a short space, but had developed them fully and let them breathe. But I just don’t see any evidence that he’s capable of doing that. He spent more time on this than he should’ve.

“Hunting Virgins” is even worse—these tree-removal experts have the maturity of the main characters of the 80s Porky’s films* and should be trusted with power tools to the same extent. There’s nothing about them that says megacorporations should shower them with money to do anything—and when things start to go wrong for them, there’s nothing about the situation to make the reader care.

* I can’t believe that I remembered these things existed, either. Or that anyone ever used the word “film” to describe them with a straight face.

Why did I finish? I was curious—and the book is crazy short. Also, I spent enough money on this volume that I couldn’t let myself just walk away. I regret the whole thing and hope I’ve convinced you to avoid this experience.

1 Star

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Church History in Plain Language, Fifth Edition by Bruce Shelley, Revision Editor Marshall Shelley: Gets Too Much Wrong

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On May 28, 2023

In History, Non-Fiction, Theology/Christian Living

Church History in Plain LanguageChurch History in Plain Language, Fifth Edition

by Bruce L. Shelley, Revision Editor: Marshall Shelley

DETAILS:
Publisher: Zondervan Academic
Publication Date: July 13, 2021
Format: E-book
Length: 624 pg.
Read Date: March 27-May 23, 2023


What’s Church History in Plain Language About?

From the Publisher’s website:

Bruce Shelley’s classic history of the church brings the story of global Christianity into the twenty-first century. Like a skilled screenwriter, Shelley begins each chapter with three elements: characters, setting, plot. Taking readers from the early centuries of the church up through the modern era he tells his readers a story of actual people, in a particular situation, taking action or being acted upon, provides a window into the circumstances and historical context, and from there develops the story of a major period or theme of Christian history. Covering recent events, this book also:

  • Details the rapid growth of evangelical and Pentecostal Christianity in the southern hemisphere
  • Addresses the decline in traditional mainline denominations
  • Examines the influence of technology on the spread of the gospel
  • Discusses how Christianity intersects with other religions in countries all over the world

For this fifth edition, Marshall Shelley brought together a team of historians, historical theologians, and editors to revise and update this father’s classic text. The new edition adds important stories of the development of Christianity in Asia, India, and Africa, both in the early church as well as in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. It also highlights the stories of women and non-Europeans who significantly influenced the development of Christianity but whose contributions are often overlooked in previous overviews of church history.

This concise book provides an easy-to-read guide to church history with intellectual substance. The new edition of Church History in Plain Language promises to set a new standard for readable church history.

Bad History

This book is just filled with errors—or questionable statements. The one that threw me for a loop was the description of the Council of Nicea, when the text cites the Nicene Creed (325) saying that this is the one that was agreed upon there. But what is cited is the Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed (from 381) with the Filioque clause (from 1014). Humbug.

The section on Calvin was a mess. In a discussion, I summed up the section on English Puritans as, “Tell me you’ve never read the Puritans without saying you’ve never read the Puritans.” It’s one thing for Max Weber or H.L. Mencken to mischaracterize them, it’s something else for fellow believers to do it.

And the Crusades? They’re given a tiny amount of space (I’ll be generous and say 6 pages…1 percent of the total work), and the explanation of them is half-hearted at best. Given that people of several faiths (and those without faith) still use the Crusades to evaluate Christianity and the way it interacts with the rest of the world, the reader is not well served that they’re given short shrift.

And I’m no historian—I’m a hobbyist at best when it comes to a couple of time periods in Church History. If I can find problems like that—off of one reading—how many more are there? (this is not an exhaustive list of the problems I noted, just some of the more glaring ones—and ones that I’m more confident in).

The Problem of Perspective

The perspective of this book comes from all over the place. Whatever Shelley did in revising this, he didn’t edit it enough so that the perspective is unified. That’d be okay if each chapter/part of a chapter was identified by a particular contributor. Chapter X is by Y, from such-and-such School/Background. Chapter A is by B, from this other Church. Then you could understand where divergent voices are coming from and understand some of the prejudices (as much or as little as they’re tried to be eliminated).

But here, it’s presented as one voice—when it clearly isn’t—and the perspective isn’t identified. So we get this section with a heavy Anabaptist sympathy, another section with some latent Modalism, some Dispensationalism, and so on.

I just kept getting whiplash as I’d read, where was this coming from?

So, what did I think about Church History in Plain Language?

For a few weeks, I’d been leaning toward giving this 2 Stars (but hoping something would make me change my mind so I could give it at least 3). At least the scope of this work should cause me to give it the benefit of the doubt.

But…I just can’t do that. If you can’t get something so basic as the history and content of the Nicene Creed right, it’s a problem. This is a history book, you should, you know…get the history right. I’ve got other examples—but this is sufficient. If you can’t get the big things like this right, why should I trust you in the lesser?

A bigger problem is being as casual about Christology as this is. If you’re going to be writing a book of Church History, you should get the essentials right. Again, I have other examples—but why? And again, if you’re not trustworthy here, why should I trust you elsewhere?

Now, I’ve been intending on reading this book since I was in college—it was probably the Second Edition that my roommate had on his shelf (but who knows, maybe it was the first). But I hadn’t gotten around to it. I really wish I had read it then, so I’d know how much of the weaknesses of this edition were characteristic of Bruce L. Shelley and how much comes from his son and his collaborators in this mess.

It’s a history book—at most, it should interest and educate a reader—it should not make the reader upset, much less angry. And I got angry multiple times.

At the end of the day, this was a waste of 600+ pages and a whole lot of my time. Avoid this.

1 Star

This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase from it, I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you. As always, the opinions expressed are my own.

The Big Kahuna by Janet Evanovich, Peter Evanovich: Jinkies, that was a bad book

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On June 11, 2019

In A-F, Fiction, Fox and O'Hare, Janet Evanovich, Lee Goldberg, Mystery/Detective Fiction/Crime Fiction/Thriller

The Big KahunaThe Big Kahuna

by Janet Evanovich, Peter Evanovich
Series: Fox and O’Hare, #6

Hardcover, 301 pg.
G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2019

Read: June 5 – 6, 2019

♪ ♫ ♬ Where have you gone, Lee Goldberg
Readers turn their lonely eyes to you
Wu wu wu
What’s that you say, Ms. Evanovich
Lee Goldberg has left and gone away
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♬ ♪ ♫

(with apologies to Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, Lee Goldberg, Janet Evanovich, Mrs. Robinson, Joe DiMaggio, my parents, teachers, Vogon poets… but dang, I spent a day and a half singing that to myself)

I’ve (purchased and) read all the previous novels at least once, read most of the short stories/novellas, and listened to all of the audiobooks of the series up to this point. I was a fan, maybe not the biggest fan — I expressed issues and reservations from time to time, but I knew I could expect a fun adventure, some fun banter, a little ridiculousness, and a clever crime story when I picked up a Fox and O’Hare novel. But when the inimitable Lee Goldberg departed, I got nervous — Evanovich has slipped in recent years (as I’ve discussed), and I don’t think she cares or notices. Still, I wasn’t sure how much of the success of these books were up to Goldberg and how much was Evanovich finding a spark in new characters that wasn’t there anymore in her Plum franchise/cash cow. Well, I think I’ve solved that mystery to my satisfaction — it was Goldberg.

I’m so, so relieved that I didn’t buy this thing. I’m sorry the local library did, too, although I’m glad I was able to take advantage of this.

First off, there wasn’t much of a con. It’s an adventure story — there was a little bit of a con at the end, but on the whole, there’s no reason for Nick Fox to be around for the whole book. As such, we don’t get most of the team showing up. Only Kate’s father, Jake, comes along.

Which is fitting, really — he belongs in adventure story. His basic approach of this retired guy who can pull off the occasional save with military equipment/connections while not liking to talk about that kind of thing has been exchanged for an older super-soldier that gives no evidence of being reticent about anything or all that old.

A new member of the team is introduced — he’s supposed to be the voice of reason keeping the destruction of private property to a minimum, and to do all the paperwork that Kate seems to ignore. First I think they did this already, and it didn’t work too well (the character was alright, but a dufus — I can’t remember if it was the same guy or not). Secondly, Kate — not their boss — told him about the super-secret arrangement with Nick Fox while in Fox’s presence and in a very casual manner. It just felt sloppy. Lastly, the character is the least-realistic character I think this series has ever produced — there’s no universe in which he makes it as an FBi agent for a month — much less be expected to be an agent that can keep things going well for this partnership.

There are a bunch of non-criminal types that really don’t need to be around but keep showing up anyway — they aren’t amusing, they aren’t well-conceived characters, they’re around to complicate plots and to be funny. They rarely succeed at the latter.

The primary villain (who I won’t name because he’s not revealed for quite a while) wasn’t actually that bad, and if they’d used him better, I wouldn’t be complaining about it at all. He just didn’t get the chance to be anything but briefly intimidating and then a pawn for Nick and Kate (making you wonder if he really wasn’t that intimidating after all). His primary accomplice was the person who did most of the work. She seemed half-baked (maybe three-quarters), and wasn’t all that convincing — her scheme (for lack of a better term) didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Her henchmen were pathetic and uninteresting.

Nick Fox . . . was a shell of the character. He’d traded in his usual between-assignment shenanigans for some dumb scheme about social media coaching, using a pseudonym that showed none of the panache characteristic of Fox. There was little reason for him to be around for most of the book, other than to make bad advances toward Kate.

Kate, meanwhile, seemed less competent than usual. A bit more clueless about criminal activity and Nick Fox, and fairly dependent on her father for the more action-hero-y stuff. Which didn’t seem right, either. She said “jinkies” so much I wondered if she’d been Velma in a previous life — a trait I don’t remember belonging to her. Of all the characters, she seemed more herself than the others — still, she seemed off.

The relationship between the Kate and Nick really doesn’t make sense. Some of what’s said between the two of them makes me think that this volume takes place between Books 3 & 4 rather than after Book 5. Although that makes the whole explanation for Cosmo even worse, because I think it was Book 3 that got Kate shackled with the paperwork partner last time. The last chapter of The Big Kahuna takes the nice relationship that was developing between the two protagonists during the Evanovich/Goldberg run and ruins it — and ruins the timeline, too. If this takes place after Book 5, it’s meaningless (as is a lot of what happened before). If it takes place after book 3 (which makes the most sense), it ruins the arc of 4 and 5. Then again, it’s not like the Plum books have a real timeline, it looks like the Evanovich2 run will follow that. It’s not about development anymore, it’s not about growth of character or relationship — it’s about churning out books that’ll sell.

The whole thing felt like a Stephanie Plum book that Stephanie, Joe and Ranger forgot to show up for — but reasonable facsimiles thereof did. One of the great things about the previous novels is that they didn’t feel like Evanovich, or completely like a Goldberg. That’s out the window. And the book, en toto, suffered for it.

I’ve spent far more time and space on this post than I intended to (and still haven’t touched all my notes), so let me wrap this up. A year or two back after I spent time critiquing a book that I gave two stars to, one of my readers asked if I gave that novel 2, what would it take to get a 1? I said a book would have to make me mad, not just disappoint. Probably, on merit, I should give this two stars — there were some good moments, I have to admit (although while writing this, I seem to have forgotten them). But as I was thinking about that, I remembered that conversation, and well…this book as made me mad. It took a solid and reliably entertaining series, with good characters and ruined them. Just ruined them. I might give it one more try, just to see if they learned anything from this disaster (my guess is that sales won’t suffer much and they’ll learn nothing). But, without a different co-author, I can’t imagine why anyone would read these books again.

—–

1 Star

2019 Library Love Challenge 2019 Cloak & Dagger ChallengeHumor Reading Challenge 2019

Always Grey in Winter by Mark J. Engels: That’s a hard no from me.

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On April 29, 2019

In Fiction, Science Fiction

Always Grey in WinterAlways Grey in Winter

by Mark J. Engels
Kindle Edition, 184 pg.
A Thurston Howl Publications, 2017

Read: April 22 – 25, 2019

Let’s get this over and done with in a hurry, I’m in no mood to belabor things here. Let’s just rip off the bandage and just hope I don’t lose too much hair in the process.

Here’s the blurb from the author’s site:

The modern day remnant of an ancient clan of werecats is torn apart by militaries on three continents vying to exploit their deadly talents. Born in an ethnic Chicago neighborhood following her family’s escape from Cold War-era Poland, were-lynx Pawly flees underground to protect her loved ones after genetically-enhanced soldiers led by rogue scientist and rival werecat Mawro overrun her Navy unit in the Gulf of Oman. Pawly’s family seeks her out in a desperate gambit to return their ancestral homeland and reconcile with their estranged kinsmen. But when her human lover arrives to thwart Mawro’s plan to weaponize their feral bloodlust, Pawly must face a daunting choice: preserve her family secrets and risk her lover’s life or chance her true nature driving him away forever.

I honestly couldn’t have told you all of that on my own after reading the novel. I just re-read the pitch the author sent me a few months ago, and I learned more from that than I did the whole novel, too. Things make more sense now.

This is a problem. A huge problem. I’m a pretty good reader, I like to think. I’m even a pretty forgiving reader, willing to make connections that I think the author intended when they don’t do a good job on doing the job themselves. But, I just couldn’t with this book. I’m pretty sure I recognized the tricks of the trade Engels was trying to employ, the techniques he was using to keep this from being over-expository, or too info-dumpy. I applaud the tricks and techniques. When used correctly.

Those last three words are the key. Exposition is your friend. Yes, it can be overdone. Yes, it can be abused. It can be relied on too heavily. But it can’t be ignored if you actually want to communicate to your audience.

I’m just going to give bullet points for the rest of this:

  • If you have to resort to all caps to express your character’s emotions, you need to write better dialogue.
  • If you have to use that many exclamation points to express your character’s emotions, you need to rewrite your dialogue. Nobody yells/screams all the time in conversations.
  • I spent so much time reading scenes trying to figure out where and when they took place that I eventually just gave up, assuming I’d figure it out eventually.
  • A related note: there was a flashback sequence that I couldn’t tell when it ended and returned to the present.
  • The characters weren’t characters, they were names attached to pronouns and occasionally to family relations. I honestly couldn’t tell you what separated some of them from each other. Everyone had the same personality, as far as I could tell (okay, I’m being a tad hyperbolic here…but not much)
  • Did I mention that exposition can be your friend?
  • There was no conclusion, no point. Things just ended. It was, as someone said, much ado about nothing.
  • This is a 184 page book. It took me 4 days to read. I just wasn’t interested past the first chapter when it stopped making sense, it didn’t hold my attention, my mind kept wandering and I had to force myself to read it.

It seems to me that Engels had a very clear idea of what he was trying to accomplish, he knew his story and his characters. I don’t think he communicated any of it on the page. I’m seeing a lot of 4 and 5 star reviews out there, so clearly there’s a lot of people who’ll think I’m out to lunch. But, I just don’t see anything redeeming about this at all — and I like to think I go out of my way to find positives in every book I talk about. I’ve got nothing here.

Disclaimer: I received this novel from the author in exchange for my honest opinion, and I really wish I didn’t have to give it.

—–

1 Star

LetsReadIndie Reading Challenge

The United Smiths of America by Jon Voss: I read it so you don’t have to.

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On December 17, 2018

In 2018 First Reads Challenge, 2018 Indie-Fever Challenge, Fiction, Mystery/Detective Fiction/Crime Fiction/Thriller, While I Was Reading 2018 Challenge

The United Smiths of AmericaThe United Smiths of America

by Jon Voss

ePub, 371 pg.
2018
Read: December 12 – 14, 2018

This is going to be rough, but I promised to write this, so here goes . . .

Ten citizens of the U. S. wake up in a shipping container. They’re wearing something akin to prison jumpsuits, and a collar. They have no idea where they are, they have no idea how they got there, or who anyone with them is. They are told that they have 10 hours to defeat 9 other teams, made up of people from 9 other regions (some single-nation, others geographic groups) to win $1 billion. There are a couple of vehicles provided for them, and a lot of weapons (that they have to figure out how to use). Oh, and those collars are equipped with C-4 in order to assure they’ll comply.

Hunger Games meets the Amazing Race (or something). The Americans are all named Smith — a sign that they’re random nobodies — and each team is full of equivalents — Garcias, Suzukis, Ivanovs, etc. (these are not necessarily the names, I refuse to open the book again to check and see). Each chapter covers ten minutes or so of the ten hours they have to fight or die.

I did not enjoy a single moment of this experience. When I wasn’t bored, I was offended. When I wasn’t offended, I was discouraged by the writing. I walked away from each session disappointed and dreading returning to it. I’m not saying it ruined my life for a couple of days, but it sure made things unpleasant.

The “humor” (I think there were bits that were supposed to be humorous) was juvenile, puerile, and not funny. To say that the characters from various nations were walking stereotypes would be generous, more than one were also racist — oh, and someone (a fairly educated character) described (presumably white) Australians as a “race.” Which was news to me. One, I stress one of the Smiths came close to being more than two-dimensional and worth reading about — no other characters (no matter their nationality) came close. The story as a whole makes 80’s action films like Iron Eagle look subtle and nuanced. The author uses italics and all-caps to show emotion in dialogue, which should have been the first sign that I need to bail on the book.

The sex scene gives new meaning to gratuitous. I mean . . . ugh.

The fight scenes — and there were many, just not as many as you might expect — were decent, though.

I pushed on to the end because 1. I’d told the publicist I’d read this piece of garbage; 2. I was curious about the point of it all (and yes, you have to get near the end to find it); and 3. I wanted to see if there was anything redeeming to be found in the book. The results were, not surprisingly, disheartening. 1. I can’t imagine that group will want to work with me again; 2. The point is . . . maddening, convoluted, and uninspired; and 3. Nope.

Don’t. Just don’t. If any of you have a time machine and would like to use it to stop me, leave a note in the comments and I’ll give you a time, date and address.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this novel in exchange for this post from a publicist who will probably not appreciate this post at all. Sorry about that.

—–

1 Star

✔ Read a book that takes place in one day.

Gables Court by Alan S. Kessler: A Character Looking for Love, a Novel Looking for a Plot

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On May 11, 2018

In 2018 First Reads Challenge, 2018 Indie-Fever Challenge, Fiction, General Fiction/Literature

Gables CourtGables Court

by Alan S. Kessler

Kindle Edition, 268 pg.
Black Rose Writing, 2018
Read: May 8 – 9, 2018

Ugh. Just…ugh. Why? Why would anyone bother publishing this?

I like liking things. I want to enjoy books. But every now and then, too often lately, I come across a book that I can’t find a redeeming feature in. This is one of those.

It is impossible, simply impossible, for someone to get through Law School (and the requisite undergrad program) and come out as naive as Samuel Baas. I would think that’d be particularly true in the 1960’s. If, if Baas had been sheltered his entire life and escaped/was released at age 24, many of his conversations would have been appropriate. But for someone with his education? Nope. Conversations at any age, on personal or professional topics.

I use the word “conversation” loosely — primarily, his conversations are monologues with a little bit of interaction between those involved tagged on.

There are several attempts at plot lines, but Kessler doesn’t seem to commit to them wholly — or for long. The novel seems listless, bouncing around from idea to idea, trying out this thing and then another and another — like a college freshman deciding on a major. I’m not suggesting any of these ideas were interesting or well-executed, but there were a lot of them.

There’s no ending to this book, it just stops. Baas has learned nothing — any epiphanies he’s had or changes he’s made evaporate faster than dew in the desert. To say I was frustrated by the ending is an understatement.

There’s part of me that wants to go on and pick this apart — but why? No one wants to read that — maybe if I was more annoyed by it and mustered up some funny comments, but I just don’t care enough to. This book induced apathy and a general sense of ennui. Gables Court was aimless, listlessly written, dull and an utter waste of time.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author, clearly my opinion wasn’t influenced by that.

—–

1 Star

Popo Gigi: the Earlier Years: London to Bollywood by Samuel G. Sterling

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On April 4, 2017

In Fiction, General Fiction/Literature

Popo Gigi: the Earlier Years: London to BollywoodPopo Gigi: the Earlier Years: London to Bollywood

by Samuel G. Sterling

Kindle Edition, 596 pg.
Jolliwood Books, 2016

Read: March 31 – April 3, 2016


In circumstances difficult to explain, hard to believe, and probably meant to be comical — Popo Gigi and his twin brother, Ramyou, are born while their unwed mother emigrates from India to England. They spend years in poverty, gaining some sort of financial stability when their mother eventually marries. Ramyou is a troubled child with wild appetites (in just about every sense of the word — at least eventually), while Popo distinguishes himself academically. He eventually is admitted to, excels in and graduates from Oxbridge. Following graduation, he sets his mind to seeking some sort of understanding/closure regarding his father and his utter disregard for his twin sons. So Popo travels to India and begins a series of haphazard adventures as he attempts to meet and then bond with his father — hilarity ensues (theoretically), as does romance, a dash of danger, and more.

There is a charm to the writing that I can’t deny — even when the book seemed pointless — and even when the writing was muddled enough that I wasn’t sure what was going on (which happened a lot). Nevertheless, the it felt like sitting down and listening to a charming young man tell a long, rambling story. And, boy, do I mean rambling. Still, you can’t help but like the prose.

It’s the content of the prose that is problematic. It’s hard to believe a lot of the plot — and it’s not that easy to see the links between events that should follow each other, plot lines that are just abandoned (for chapters on end, when not totally). The “humor” is largely dependent on the kind of things I really haven’t found funny since I was in grade school — untimely erections, urine, excrement. I don’t care how many times they’re repeated, bathroom jokes just aren’t funny.

I wanted to like this, but I couldn’t. This was going to be a 2-star read for me, that I kinda felt guilty about, because of the spirit of the novel — I couldn’t help feeling affection for the style and writing, even if I didn’t like it. But the last few chapters killed that for me, it’s like they belonged to a different novel. There’s just no point to reading this book.

Disclaimer: I received this novel from Jolliwood Books in exchange for this post — I appreciate it, even if the book didn’t click for me.

—–

1 Star

Reread Project: Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams

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On August 19, 2016

In A-B, Authors, Douglas Adams, Fiction, Reread Project, Science Fiction, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Mostly HarmlessMostly Harmless

by Douglas Adams
Series: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy, #5

Hardcover, 278 pg.
Harmony Books, 1992

Read: July 7 – 12, 2016

1 Stars

I was dreading this one — typically, like X-Men: The Last Stand, or The Highlander sequels, I prefer to pretend this doesn’t exist. It’s the only one of the series that I haven’t bought my son, and I don’t plan on changing that. Which doesn’t mean I couldn’t be won over — after 4 or 5 tries, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency finally clicked with me, I keep hoping this will.

But it didn’t this time (I think my 5th reading).

Which is not to say there aren’t some parts that don’t deserve to be celebrated — almost everything Ford does (for example) is great. There’s a little bit with Trillian, a bit of Tricia McMillan (no, really, I meant to list those separately) and a smidgen of the Arthur material that’s okay. But not much. Don’t get me started on Random.

There’s some really clever bits here and there, some great lines — and some bits that are clearly attempts to recapture the spirit/zaniness of the earlier books, but without the heart. The narrative as a whole (after such a huge leap forward with So Long) was worthless, the story didn’t work. And the ending? Flummery. It was like Adams was just trying to get away from the series and put it in his rearview mirror. Which I get, I absolutely understand, he wanted to do something other than just crank out another Hitchhiker’s after another after another. But this was not the way to do it.

Just avoid this one, don’t bother. But if you think I’m wrong — tell me why! I’d love to be convinced that Adams couldn’t write a bad book.

—–

1 Star

Trumped! by Peter Davidson

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On July 20, 2016

In Humor, Non-Fiction, Politics/Current Affairs

Trumped!TRUMPED! Beyond Politically Correct: What You Would Say if You Had the Guts

by Peter Davidson

Kindle Edition, 116 pg.
Sweet Memories Publishing, 2016

Read: July 12, 2016


Let’s get this straight: this is not about being politically incorrect, it’s an instructional guide to being a boor, a lout, a cad . . .

I kept thinking: if I read on, I’ll get the joke, I’ll see the satire. But nope. Didn’t happen. It’s a shoddily written, cliché-ridden situational guide to being “brutally honest.”

I typically try to be thorough with these posts (especially if I’m not crazy about the book, if only to justify my problems and the time I spent reading it), but I’m not going to bother with this one. The only reason I didn’t toss this in a corner is that I didn’t think my Kindle could take it. Every second I spent reading it was a waste, it ruined my day plowing through this. I if read something as bad as this again in 2016, I may just shut this site down.

Disclaimer: I received this book from the author in exchange for this post.

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1 Star

United States of Books – Songs In Ordinary Time by Mary McGarry Morris

By

On May 2, 2016

In Fiction, General Fiction/Literature, United States of Books

I somehow managed to make 3 references to The Simpsons in my original draft of these — and almost made one more before I decided to knock it off. I only left one, it seemed apt. The major difference between this book and The Simpsons, of course, is that one brings happiness, smiles and joy to people; the other one has no yellow people and everyone has 5 fingers on each hand.
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Songs In Ordinary TimeSongs In Ordinary Time

by Mary McGarry Morris

Paperback, 740 pg.
Penguin Books, 1996

Read: April 6 – 13, 2016


There’s a stereotype about Oscar-bait movies the come out late in the year, super-serious movies with super-serious actors about families in crisis, social unrest, a woman standing on her own, and so on. Nothing anyone really wants to see, but we all take it seriously. Yes, that’s a stereotype, an over-generalization, blah blah blah — but we all know that kind of movie. This book is like that — deadly serious, grim, full of people with no capacity for joy or to make a wise decision — or any action that involves a lack of melodrama.

I just couldn’t force myself to care about this one — not one bit.

The book centers on a divorced mother of three, Marie Fermoyle, and her children: Alice, Norm and Benjy. Marie’s barely scraping by, teeters between despondency and angry outbursts. Until Omar Duvall comes to town. The best thing that could possibly be said about Omar is that he’s a two-bit hustler and womanizer. Much worse could be said about him. Marie is so desperate for a way out of her life, that she falls for his flummery. Sam, Marie’s ex, is the town drunkard — a hopeless alcoholic, surviving on crumbs his sister gives him to get by, the children go out of their way to avoid him — as does pretty much everyone. The new priest in town, and Sam’s brother-in-law are pretty much the only exceptions to that. The priest is, well — he has problems, and the brother-in-law is henpecked and an obscene phone-caller. There are other characters — several, in fact — but let’s limit this to these characters. I could go on and on. Not unlike Morris.

A couple of months back, I caught a little flack because I didn’t buy a Roman Catholic priest character in crisis — I bought this one. I didn’t like him as a person or a character, but I could absolutely buy him. Just a point of personal privilege there, back to this book.

This collection of characters are the greatest conglomeration of self-centered, self-pitying, self-deceived (often), self-justifying, and miserable people I can imagine. And everything they do (well, 99% of the things they do, anyway) make their lives worse (and half of that other 1% is ruined almost immediately). On page 508, I jotted down in my notes, “Please, someone, stop this book — just put these people out of their misery! Mine, too!”

These people are so miserable, so self-pitying that I laughed out loud when I read Marie thinking, “Hope . . . there was more of that in her veins than blood.” Really? I couldn’t believe that for a second. About 200 pages later, we read, “She was so very, very tired. All this, she thought, biting her lip, all this because once, a long time ago, she had made a fatal mistake. She had fallen in love too young with the wrong man. Imagine, it was as simple as that and now she would never catch up. She would never be happy.” That I could believe. That’s one of the most honest sentences in the book.

Each male character (I think without exception — two children, are probably exempt) is able to talk a good game, able to spin a tale about something to make the people around him believe in him — and typically even fools himself. It happens at least once for every character — each time I disliked them more and more for it.

The main plot centers around Marie falling for Omar’s line and risking everything while underwriting a pyramid scheme that he’s peddling (as does a whole lot of the town), while alienating her two older children along the way. Her youngest knows better than the others suspect how terrible Omar is, but he suppresses that information and knowledge so his mother can hopefully be happy. There are crimes not associated with Omar, people dying, people suffering, people trying (and generally failing) to escape their pasts and improve their life. There are two characters out of this that might succeed in improving their lot in life, but we’re not given enough information to know for sure — a couple of others that seem to have turned a corner, but if the 700 previous pages are any indication these latter characters are 5 pages away from running back around that corner the other way.

So why did Entertainment Weekly put this one on their list for Vermont? I’m only guessing here — there aren’t that many novels set in the Green Mountain State. There was nothing distinctly Vermont about this book, as far as I could tell. It was Anytown, USA — there was a lake nearby, a university not too far away (but far enough), a Roman Catholic Church in town (maybe a Protestant one, too — but I’m not sure), one drive in, and a few small towns within an hour or two by car. That’s really all we learn about the geography. The state name is invoked a few times, but otherwise, it could literally be anywhere — like The Simpsons‘ Springfield. I learned nothing about that state, its people, or anything beyond another lesson in endurance in the face of overwhelming tedium.

Plot(s), character, setting — this book failed on all three. It was well-written, I guess, but there was nothing special about even that. I really have nothing positive to say about this one, if you haven’t noticed.

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1 Star

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