Tag: Matthew Perry

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir by Matthew Perry: A Memoir of Self-Destruction

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible ThingFriends, Lovers, and the
Big Terrible Thing:
A Memoir

by Matthew Perry

DETAILS:
Publisher: Macmillan Audio
Publication Date: October 31, 2022
Format: Unabridged Audiobook
Length: 8 hrs., 49 min.
Read Date: December 6-7, 2023
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My mind is out to kill me, and I know it. I am constantly filled with a lurking loneliness, a yearning, clinging to the notion that something outside of me will fix me. But I had had all that the outside had to offer!

What’s Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing About?

This isn’t full of—but does contain—some good, behind-the-scenes stuff about Friends, Fools Rush In, The Whole Nine Yards, Mr. Sunshine, The Odd Couple, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and other projects. But those don’t make up the bulk of the material. And those are interesting, amusing, and support the overall thesis of the book—he’s an addict who has been blessed with more good things than he knows how to handle.

There’s some juicy (largely nameless, but you can read between the lines) bits about his love life—as the title suggests. But again, there’s not much of that overall—and those, too, serve to support the overall thesis—even more than the professional matters do.

Then there’s the Big Terrible Thing—his addictions themselves, how he got started, how he maintained them, and his several attempts to get sober (of varying successes and lengths of success). He also goes into graphic (perhaps too graphic) detail about the physical toll they’ve taken on him—and the financial, emotional, and mental toll they’ve taken on those close to him.

How Perry Comes Across

When this book first came out (or just before it) there were more than a few headlines about some (I’m going to be charitable and call them) questionable jokes he made about Keanu Reeves and some people casting doubt about some of the particulars of some of his stories. Given how impaired he was during most of those disputed events (and just about every other event he recounts), I’m not surprised he doesn’t remember them correctly, and I don’t think it should be held against him. The Reeves jokes, on the other hand, might have seemed like a good idea at the time—but his editors really should’ve stopped them. I jotted down a note after the second one that “someone at Macmillan must have it out for him to let this make it to print.”

But both of those things pale in comparison to everything that Perry admits to in this book. He doesn’t come across as a good guy at all—and I don’t think he’s trying to. Sure, the fact that he’s (seemingly) coming clean about everything and (seemingly) taking responsibility for the lies, destructive behaviors, and despicable actions might make some people want to think better of him—but I don’t think he really wants that.

He comes across—and I realize this could be entirely calculated—as someone who is being honest about his shortcomings, seeking to explain the devastation his addictions have wrought on himself and many, many of those around him—how he’s somehow managed to have some success in the midst of that. He gives credit to some of those who’ve helped him get to this point in recovery—or kept him alive long enough to get there. In the end, however, Perry’s not a good guy and doesn’t pretend to be one. He’s a mess who will very likely kill himself if he relapses a time or two more.

So, what did I think about Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing?

I’ve been a big fan of Perry’s since Friends (I can point to the joke that made me one)—I’ve seen almost everything he’s done (sometimes not because of him, but I appreciated his involvement). But I put this book under the category of “will get around to eventually, maybe.” Until I saw people reacting to how much of the focus of the book is on the Big Terrible Thing. And that piqued my interest.

That sounds ghoulish, I realize, but hearing a well-documented addict talking about their struggles is something that I appreciate. It helps me empathize with those I know fighting that fight, and I hope, helps me understand and appreciate their struggles.

Perry’s clear that he’s been given every opportunity, tool, and help to get sober and to maintain that sobriety. And he’s squandered almost every one of them. And it has yet to work. The amounts he takes on a regular basis when he uses is…it’s a shocking amount—and only someone as wealthy as he is could pull it off.

At the same time, there’s a glimmer of hope. A faint glimmer, sure. But there is one—and if someone whose rock bottom is as low as Perry’s was can maybe make it—there’s hope for others, too. And that’s the big thing I took away—there’s hope. Hope for other addicts, hope for Perry.

I thought this was a riveting and disturbing read—made tolerable by Perry’s off-kilter and somewhat humorous telling of the stories. It’s not like most celebrity memoirs I’ve read (but I don’t think it’s that ground-breaking)—but definitely worth the time.


4 Stars
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My Favorite Non-Fiction Books of 2022

Favorite Non-Fiction 2022
My 2022 Wrap up continues and now we’re on to the Non-Fiction list. While I liked a number of works that didn’t make this list, I felt strange calling them a “favorite.” So, we have 9 instead of the nigh-obligatory 10 for the second year in a row. These are the ones that stuck with me through the year; the ones I cited in conversation; that I thought about when reading something else or watching something on TV. Yeah, there’s some overlap between this list and the audiobook list from yesterday—lately, most Non-Fiction books I work through are in audiobook format. So it makes sense, even if it makes this post seem like an echo.

As always, I only put books that I’ve read for the first time on this list. I don’t typically return to NF books (outside of looking up things for one or three points), but occasionally I do—for example, The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction by Alan Jacobs would get a permanent spot on this list, were it not for this rule.

(in alphabetical order by author)

Go Back to Where You Came FromGo Back to Where You Came From: And Other Helpful Recommendations on How to Become American

by Wajahat Ali

My original post
I’m just going to remix some of what I said originally, this book was a great mix of memoir, social commentary, and satire—with a little sprinkling of a more general humor thrown in. The way he shifted between the genres was fairly seamless and quite effective—his own story (and that of his parents) were good illustrations of the societal ills he wanted to point to. Ali’s story is the kind that Americans love to tell and hear about success—even if his telling points to many of the flaws in our society. Through grit, determination, perseverance, and endurance, Ali pushes through all sorts of cultural, societal, legal, medical, and circumstantial challenges to arrive where he is. Because he believes in what we can be as a people, based on our (incredibly inconsistently applied and demonstrated) ideals and aspirations. It’s the kind of story we need to see, hear, and read more of.

4 Stars

Black Nerd ProblemsBlack Nerd Problems:
Essays

by William Evans & Omar Holmon

My original post
There are several strengths to this book—the first is the wide scope of the genres and ages of the pop culture they nerd out about. The second is the variety of the ways they express their appreciation (or lack thereof) for these cultural artifacts. Some of these essays are just silly, some are humorous, some touching, some sober—no two are alike in most ways. I wish I could write like this.

4 Stars

A World Without A World Without “Whom”: The Essential Guide to Language in the BuzzFeed Age

by Emmy J. Favilla

My original post
Sure, I disagreed with some of her takes—I’m less enamored with the idea of language as a ruleless entity than she is. But I found it impossible not to enjoy this—even when I thought Favilla was wrong about some particular note of grammar, I appreciated the way she thought about the idea and presented it. Mostly, I enjoyed reading about the process involved in creating and maintaining a style sheet for an entity as big and particular as Buzzfeed. The lists are the kind of thing I could read on a daily basis. As I wrote, “If you’re the kind of person who gets worked up about getting your phrasing juuuuuust right or are bothered when someone doesn’t. If you think reading tributes to commas and em dashes is a good time. Or if you’re curious about why someone would want to eliminate whom or is fine with letting the English subjunctive mood die…this is the book for you.”

(and, yes, I’m still planning on the tattoo inspired by the book)

3.5 Stars

The Stories Behind the StoriesThe Stories Behind the Stories: The Remarkable True Tales Behind Your Favorite Kid’s Books

by Danielle Higley, David Miles (Illustrator)

My original post
I don’t know if I read a better-designed book last year (or the year before). It’s a treat for the eyes. But more importantly, the content is as good—if not better. I can see the book appealing to (and being understood) younger readers curious about some of the books they’ve read or seen at a library. It also was entertaining and edifying for a, um, more seasoned reader familiar with almost all of the books. I was surprised by some of what I read, learned something about all but one of the 20+ books covered and walked away with a hankering to go back and read some of these.

4 Stars

Good TalkGood Talk: A Memoir in Conversations

by Mira Jacob

My original post
Okay, this was pretty well designed, too. This graphic memoir really hit me on several levels. The art is simple, but very effective. The story of Jacob’s life is one that needs to be told—for the sake of those who can relate to remember they’re not alone, and for the sake of those who can’t relate at all to help build some empathy. The framing device of trying to explain race in the U.S. to a biracial child trying to understand the world around him is much-needed, and probably more so all the time. This was more powerful than I expected (and had some great moments of lightness, too!)

4 Stars

The World Record Book of Racist StoriesThe World Record Book
of Racist Stories

by Amber Ruffin & Lacey Lamar

My original post
Back at race again…this time looking at subtle and not-so-subtle, clueless and intentional, probably well-meaning and just mean, ways that one family has to deal with racism on a day-to-day basis. There’s enough silliness to make this book endurable because there are some anecdotes here that are stunningly awful. A strong follow-up to last year’s book.

4 Stars

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible ThingFriends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

by Matthew Perry

I haven’t found time to write about this book yet, so I’m having trouble boiling things down into a concise paragraph. I’ve been a huge fan of Perry’s since episode 2 of Friends (and was a decently-sized fan based on the pilot), so I was drawn to this right away, but really wanted a break from celebrity memoirs and put off getting it until I read that the book focused so much on the “Big Terrible Thing.” There’s some stuff about his acting career—highs and lows, the usual behind-the-scenes, stuff. But this book is primarily about his mental health problems, his addictions, and the many, many ways he’s hurting himself and those around him. I wouldn’t call this a “warts and all” kind of portrayal of Perry, more of a “warts (and some other things)” look at him. There’s some hope and optimism, too, but it’s tempered.

4 Stars

How to Be PerfectHow to Be Perfect:
The Correct Answer to
Every Moral Question

by Michael Schur (Writer, Narrator)
with: Michael Schur, Kristen Bell, D’Arcy Carden, Ted Danson, William Jackson Harper, Manny Jacinto, Marc Evan Jackson, Jameela Jamil, and Todd May

My original post
This is a solid introduction to ethics and some of the major schools of thought behind contemporary approaches (with historical precedents). The kind of thing you might get in a 100-level course in college. But told in a very approachable way that will no doubt bring a smile to the reader’s/listener’s face occasionally. It’s not perfect, but it’s good. It’s thoughtful, but accessible. And it can—should?—act as a launching pad for further reading and study for those who want to dig in.

4 Stars

E.B. White on DogsE. B. White on Dogs

edited by Martha White

This is another one I haven’t had time to write about yet. I went in assuming this would be a good read—and got that. This is a collection of essays, shorter pieces, and letters written by White about (or mentioning) dogs. There are some solid gems here—honest laughs, amusing thoughts, and devotion to these animals that humans are so strongly drawn to. Readers of this blog know that I love good writing about dogs, and that’s exactly what we get here. There are a handful of things I’m not sure were worthy of including in this book other than for the sake of completeness, but I’m not going to complain.

4 Stars

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