Tag: Writing

The Genius’ Guide to Bad Writing by R.T. Slaywood, R.C. Martinez: For Those Who Are Curious About Writing Worse

The Genius' Guide to Bad Writing

The Genius’ Guide to Bad Writing

by R.T. Slaywood, R.C. Martinez

Kindle Edition, 39 pg.
2021

Read: September 4, 2021

It’s time to disappoint your readers!

What’s The Genius’ Guide to Bad Writing About?

A guide for the writer who is tired of success and wants to reclaim their lives from answering the siren call of fortune and fame that comes to every author. Slaywood and Martinez have a 10-Step program guaranteed to ruin a novel or two and stop a career dead in its spot.

Obviously, this is a satire—although I can think of more than a few authors that seem to have found this book before its publication (I’m going to assume it slipped through a wormhole and was delivered to them years ago). I’ll be nice and not name names here, but I think Slaywood and Martinez are owed some money if they could figure out how to collect it.

The “Illustrations”

I thought the idea behind this was clever and well-executed. They picked up a half-star from me for this. It reminded me of the footnotes in Heads You Lose by Lisa Lutz, David Hayward, but with a different flavor.

Formatting

The formatting on part of this is a little iffy—it largely is going to depend on what device you use to read it. My Paperwhite was fine but it was irritating to read on my phone (I’d wager my Fire Tablet would’ve been okay, but maybe not as nice as my Paperwhite—I’m just too lazy to charge the thing for this post). But the amount of irritation is minimal, this is just a caveat lector (mostly inspired by an online review that seemed overly irritated).

The Table of Contents is just wonky and ugly, but I’m 60% sure it’s supposed to be. And even if I’m wrong, it’s the Contents, if you’re spending enough time on a 39-page book to get worked up about a poorly formatted Table of Contents, you really need to ask yourself some questions about your priorities.

So, what did I think about The Genius’ Guide to Bad Writing?

It bothers me greatly to write something so brief, but with 39 pages, there’s not a lot to say unless I give a line-by-line commentary.

It is intended to be a brief work, and I don’t hold the length against it. I enjoyed what is there, while I do think I’d be happier on a bang-for-my-buck level if the book was twice as long. Unless the authors were just on fire, more than twice as long would’ve gotten tiresome (see: The White Man’s Guide to White Male Writers of the Western Canon).

This is a quick, fun read that’ll bring a grin to the face of readers. Take a few minutes and enjoy yourselves.


3.5 Stars

GUEST POST: Why Do We Write? by Robert Germaux

Why Do We Write?

In 1855, the difficulty of writing was described by some long-forgotten wit who said that words came from an author “drop by drop.” Jump ahead to 1949, when Pulitzer Prize winning sportswriter Red Smith, when asked if writing a daily column was hard, replied, “Why, no. You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.”

There are numerous other versions of the “open your veins and bleed” school of writing that have been ascribed to many people, including Ernest Hemingway. Unfortunately, there is no real evidence that Hemingway ever actually said anything along those lines, so I guess I’m not going to be able to sneak a good Papa reference into this essay. Another time, perhaps.

Getting back to the topic du jour, why do so many writers describe their craft in such disparaging terms? Apparently, a lot of us love the finished product but maybe not so much the process of getting there. Dorothy Parker, a founding member of the famed Algonquin Round Table, evidently was speaking for a good many writers when she said, “I hate writing. I love having written.”

While researching this piece, I had no trouble finding quotes about writers who claim to hate writing, but the reverse was definitely more difficult. Certainly, you can find people who say they enjoy writing, but they appear to be a distinct minority. For every author who said he or she loved writing, I found at least five or six who fell into the “tortured writer” category, which I have to admit came as a surprise. I mean, I don’t know about you, but if I was voluntarily engaging in an activity that I believed could in any way be compared to torture, I’d put an end to my participation in that activity right quick.

So, again, why do we write? Personally, I didn’t begin writing until I’d retired after three decades of teaching high school English, and it wasn’t until a good many years (and a bunch of books) later that I felt comfortable telling people I was a writer, as opposed to a retired teacher. Why do I write? Well, I can assure you it’s not for the money. At this moment, I have nine books on Amazon: five mysteries, two love stories and two collections of humorous essays. My books sell for $2.99, which means that after Amazon dips its beak, my cut is a hefty $2.05 for every sale. So that 50th wedding anniversary cruise of the Mediterranean my wife and I were lucky enough to take just before the pandemic hit was courtesy of our teacher pensions and social security, not the man of the house’s book royalties.

I don’t hate writing. I wouldn’t keep doing it if I did (see previous reference: torture). Is writing hard for me sometimes? Of course, just as I’m sure it is for you. If I’m smack in the middle of one of my detective novels, do I enjoy waking up at 2:00 am and furiously scribbling down notes about scenes or dialogues I just found racing through my mind? Not really, but when I put those notes together the next day in another chapter of my book, it makes losing a bit of sleep the night before not so bad. If you’ve had similar experiences, you know what I mean. We just have to get those thoughts down. We just have to write.

To some degree, I think most writers are perfectionists, which explains Oscar Wilde’s quote about spending “all morning putting in a comma . . . and all afternoon taking it out.” Okay, that’s a little extreme, but you get the idea. My point here is that, as perfectionists, we like to be able to make sure that things work out the way we want them to, and creating our own little worlds is a great way to do just that.

One more note, this one maybe not so obvious. In fact, there’s a bit of irony involved. Writing is among the most solitary of professions, yet its end result is to link us to others (many others, we hope). That simple act of sitting down in front of your computer or laptop (or, in my case, at my kitchen table with a yellow legal pad and my Pilot Precise V5 extra fine point pen) allows us to make a connection with the rest of the world. And I think in the end, for me at least, that connection is both reason and reward for why I write.

I hope you’re in that minority of writers who not only have to write, but also actually like what you do. My experience has been that, unfortunately, most people don’t really enjoy their work. If you’re a writer, you’re already in a select group of people with skills that appear to be rapidly diminishing in our society. So take advantage of your talent. Have fun with it. Use it to form those connections with others. It may be frustrating at times (especially in the middle of the night when you turn on the light and awaken your ever-understanding and supportive spouse because you just figured out whodunit), but trust me, you’ll feel much better the next day, when you write that final chapter in your latest masterpiece.
 


About the Author

Robert Germaux is currently hard at work at that kitchen table, putting the finishing touches on Grammar Sex 3, his third book of humorous essays. At least, he hopes they’re humorous. You can find more information about Bob and his books at his Amazon Author Page.

Writing The Damn Book by Stacy Nelson (Guest Post)

A friend started talking about this book last week, and it sounded pretty interesting. Actually, when I said “talking,” I should’ve said “raving.” Anyway, it’ll probably be a few months before I can get around to reading this, and the author’d probably prefer something sooner, so my friend is allowing me to post her review instead of mine. Thanks, Erika!

Writing The Damn Book: How to Start, Write And Publish A Non-Fiction Book For Creative People Who Have A Hard Time Finishing Things

by Stacy Nelson

Kindle Edition, 83 pg.
BadAss Publishing Co., 2016

Practical Magic for Alchemists Who Like to Play in the Esoteric Sandbox

by Erika Nall

(I had the privilege of reading this book before it was released to the masses.)

The “Who Is Your Reader?” section is the MOST IMPORTANT section. It stopped me dead in my tracks!

I’ve bought countless courses and trainings but something always felt off. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. All of them had me “start with the end in mind.” I was painting these beautiful pictures of my days, my 3 months from now, my 1 year from now, and beyond. It was so yummy. It tapped into my superpower of visioneering. It satisfied my romanticism. It validated my idealism. Then I reversed engineered to create that in the present.

However, when it came to my readers and clients the “guru” always had me start at the beginning of their journey. “What are her pain points?”

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I start there my stomach clenches and my heart shrinks. Inside I feel small and powerless. I get confused and lack clarity. OUCH! It’s painful.

I can hear it now:
Guru: “Lean into your discomfort. Just push through it. This is good for you. This is an opportunity to grow.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think you understand this is not uncomfortable like my shoes are a little too tight or I have a bit of indigestion from the pepperoni pizza I just ate. This is killing me inside.”

Guru: “Well, that’s just a thought. Notice the thought. Let it go back from where it came. Back into nothingness.”

Me: “I don’t think you heard me. THIS IS LITERALLY KILLING ME INSIDE! I avoid death as much as possible thank-you-very-much.”

(And as an alchemist, I know I can excel in the dark art of manipulation to get what I want. I always felt like I went there when I started with pain. “I can help you. Or, better yet “I can save you.”)

Why do I die inside when I start with pain?

My reader is me. I am her. When I talk about her beginning, I am talking about my beginning. When I talk about her insecurities, I am talking about my insecurities. And believe me, they like to show up and be a part of the show anytime they can.

Now, I understand why the beginning is a terrible place to start. Brains are pretty clueless. Whatever it’s thinking, it perceives as reality. That’s its job. And, mine does it very well.

Now I understand that those sensations. That experience is also what happens when I am insecure.

When I wanted to share my message through writing, my self-assurance, my self-confidence, my self-trust was nowhere to be found. Frozen, I just stared at that incessant blinking damn cursor for hours as the insecurities played and had their fun in my head. Frustrated and feeling rather poorly about myself, I would give up. I’d walk out of my office thinking, “What’s wrong with me? How can I usually write so freely and unabashedly with great perseverance one minute, but not the next.”

I wrote the answer, “who is your reader going to BE at the end of the book?” (Honestly, I wasn’t sure if this was going to work.)

And, I felt it. For the first time I felt that what I wrote was coming from a deep place inside of me and not my head. I expected the sensation to be like a blast of, or at least a pulsating, bright light. (Well, that what I thought was suppose to happen when you are passionate and empowered.) Instead, my stomach was relax and I felt a gentle pressure across my chest. It was a constant glow and warmth like after the fire burnt up the firestarters -the tender and the kindling- and it’s just being a fire, doing what fires do. Sure there was an occasional popping of pitch, but I didn’t stop. My fingers just pounded a bit harder on the keyboard.

My breath deep and long. Every once in awhile tears would run down my face. My mind quiet. There was no judging. I just typed. I didn’t set a timer like I usually do to keep me on track. When I felt like I got up into my head, I paused, looked out the window and watched the birds for a little bit, took a few deep breaths, and went back to writing. When all that I had inside was out in black and white -unedited and raw- I looked at the clock and only 50 minutes had passed – talk about flow, baby.

I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, coming back to my surroundings. Then my intuition said, “Is this making her BE EMPOWERED?” And, I cried.

Several times since then, I’ve tapped back into empowered and I’ve cried every time. Not because I am sad, or happy, or relieved because now I can feel the glorious ginormity of it. How badly, how passionately I want that for my readers AND for me.

You see, I was asking the wrong question. I was starting in the wrong place.

Now when I begin with the energetics of empowerment, I write within the place of security. My assurance, confidence, and trust will be front and center. And, when the writing gets hard and there is a call to perseverance, THIS is what will pull me through the challenges of spreading my message in whatever form I choose.

—–

4 Stars

Ideas and Inspiration for Fantasy and Science Fiction Writers by James Hutchings

Ideas and Inspiration for Fantasy and Science Fiction WritersIdeas and Inspiration for Fantasy and Science Fiction Writers

by James Hutchings

Kindle Edition, 453 pg.
2016


You know what this book could’ve used? An introduction. Just something to ground the reader in the books intention, design, scope . . . something. It just dives in, you flip from the Table of Contents to the first entry.

The only way you know what the book is for is to have read the description from Goodreads/ebook seller:

If you want to spark new ideas for worlds, plots or characters, you want Ideas and Inspiration for Fantasy and Science Fiction Writers. Medicinal corpses, the jargons of thieves and carnies, Nazi UFOs, the colonization of space and green children from nowhere are only a few of the topics covered. This sourcebook is for all writers of fantasy or science fiction–whether novels, short stories, games, or any other form of storytelling.

The afterword touches on it a little, but who wants that at the end of a book?

Smoother writing, maybe a touch of personality to the writing would’ve been a plus, too.

It’s not something you can read cover-to-cover, it’s a resource book that you can consult, or flip through. I’m pretty sure I’ve read almost all of it over the course of a couple of weeks. It sparked an idea or two (not that I have time for them), but that’s about it.

I guess, this book set out to do what it intended, is thorough, easy to read, so . . . 3 stars? Next time you’re trying to prepare for NaNoWriMo or a Creative Writing course, give it a thumb-through.

Disclaimer: This book was provided to me by the author in exchange for an honest review.

—–

3 Stars

Opening Lines – Straight Man

We all know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover (yet, publishing companies spend big bucks on cover design/art–and I love this cover). But, the opening sentence(s)/paragraph(s) are fair game. So, when I stumble on a good opening (or remember one and pull it off the shelves), I throw it up here. In this selection, we learn everything — practically everything, anyway — we that need to know about our narrator, the next 300+ pages is just filling in the details.
I love this kind of opening.

—–

Truth be told, I’m not an easy man. I can be an entertaining one, though it’s been my experience that most people don’t want to be entertained. They want to be comforted. And, of course, my idea of entertaining might not be yours. I’m in complete agreement with all those people who say, regarding movies, “I just want to be entertained.” This populist position is much derided by my academic colleagues as simpleminded and unsophisticated, evidence of questionable analytical and critical acuity. But I agree with the premise, and I too just want to be entertained. That I am almost never entertained by what entertains other people who just want to be entertained doesn’t make us philosophically incompatible. It just means we shouldn’t go to movies together.
The kind of man I am, according to those who know me best, is exasperating. According to my parents, I was an exasperating child as well. They divorced when I was in junior high school, and they agree on little except that I was an impossible child.

from Straight Man by Richard Russo

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