The Friday 56 for 2/17/22: I Shouldn’t Even Be Doing This! by Bob Newhart

This is a weekly bloghop hosted by Freda’s Voice.

RULES:
Grab a book, any book.
Turn to Page 56 or 56% on your ereader. If you have to improvise, that is okay.
Find a snippet, short and sweet.
Post it.

from Page 56 of:

I Shouldn’t Even Be Doing This! And Other Things That Strike Me as Funny by Bob Newhart

In the piece, I imagined a telephone conversation between the press agent and Abraham Lincoln just before Gettysburg, that I think, in part, would have gone something like this:

Hi Abe, sweetheart. How are you, kid? How’s Gettysburg? … Sort of a drag, heh? Well, Abe you know them small Pennsylvania towns, you seen one you seen ’em all…. Listen Abe, I got the note. What’s the problem?…. You’re thinking of shaving it off? Abe, don’t you see that’s part of the image with the shawl and the stovepipe hat and the string tie?… You don’t have the shawl. Where’s the shawl?…. You left it in Washington. What are you wearing, Abe?…A sort of cardigan? Abe, don’t you see that doesn’t fit with the string tie and the beard? Abe, would you leave the beard on and get the shawl?

Now, what’s this about Grant?… You’re getting a lot of complaints about Grant’s drinking. Abe, to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t see the problem. You knew he was a lush when you appointed him…. Your gag writers… You want to come back with something funny? Maybe an anecdote about a town drunk. I can’t promise anything. I’ll get them working on it.