Category: Quotations Page 1 of 30

Highlights from January: Lines Worth Repeating

Under a picture of someone highlighting lines in a book, the words: 'Highlights of the Month: Lines Worth Repeating'
Well, here we are at the beginning of another year, trying this post again. I wonder how far into the year I’ll get this time before getting distracted from it.

Cover of Dear Committee Members by Julie Schumacher

Dear Committee Members by Julie Schumacher

The reading and writing of fiction both requires and instills empathy—the insertion of oneself into the life of another.

Young would-be novelists and poets believe that art is eternal. Au contraire: we are in the business of ephemera, the era of floating islands of trash, and most of the things we feel deeply and inscribe on the page will disappear.

If every member of the human race evinced a fondness for literature and even a moderate level of dexterity with the written word, I would be a happier, if not more well-adjusted, man.


Cover of Skin Game by Jim Butcher

Skin Game by Jim Butcher

Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.

There’s power in the touch of another person’s hand. We acknowledge it in little ways, all the time. There’s a reason human beings shake hands, hold hands, slap hands, bump hands.

It comes from our very earliest memories, when we all come into the world blinded by light and color, deafened by riotous sound, flailing in a suddenly cavernous space without any way of orienting ourselves, shuddering with cold, emptied with hunger, and justifiably frightened and confused. And what changes that first horror, that original state of terror?

The touch of another person’s hands.

Hands that wrap us in warmth, that hold us close. Hands that guide us to shelter, to comfort, to food. Hands that hold and touch and reassure us through our very first crisis, and guide us into our very first shelter from pain. The first thing we ever learn is that the touch of someone else’s hand can ease pain and make things better.

That’s power. That’s power so fundamental that most people never even realize it exists.

Things are not always as bad as they seem. Sometimes, the darkness only makes it easier to see the light.

There are moments in your life that, when you look back at them, you realize were perfect. A hundred million things had to happen, to all come together at the same time, for such moments to come into existence — so many things that it beggars imagination to think that they could possibly have happened by random chance. This was one of them.

And since when had I become the guy that things happened to ten years ago?


Cover of She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

Destroying what someone else cherished never brought back what you yourself had lost. All it did was spread grief like a contagion.

People said that a single day without a dear friend could feel like three autumns.

She observed him from inside the lean-to. He was one of those people who has eyes that look like eyes, and a nose like a nose. Nondescript.

Chen’s teeth gleamed like those of a predator that would devour you without even spitting out the bones.

The Governor was obviously the kind of person who received as much spiritual contentment from berating others as a cold man does from a bowl of soup.

She dismounted awkwardly and went over to Xu Da as he lifted the Prince of Radiance from his horse. Xu Da wore a ginger look that she understood perfectly. There was something about the child that provoked unease. It was like seeing someone’s knee bending the wrong way. Even now, despite everything that had happened inside and outside Bianliang, the Prince of Radiance still wore that same graceful smile.


Cover of Peace Talks by Jim Butcher

Peace Talks by Jim Butcher

Home, like love, hate, war, and peace, is one of those words that is so important that it doesn’t need more than one syllable. Home is part of the fabric of who humans are. Doesn’t matter if you’re a vampire or a wizard or a secretary or a schoolteacher; you have to have a home, even ff only in principle—there has to be a zero point from which you can make comparisons to everything else. Home tends to be it.

That can be a good thing, to help you stay oriented in a very confusing world. If you don’t know where your feet are planted, you’ve got no way to know where you’re heading when you start taking steps. It can be a bad thing, when you run into something so different from home that it scares you and makes you angry. That’s also part of being human.

But there’s a deeper meaning to home. Something simpler, more primal.

It’s where you eat the best food because other predators can’t take i from you very easily there.

It’s where you and your mate are the most intimate.

It’s where you raise your children, safe against a world that can do horrible things to them.

It’s where you sleep, safe.

It’s where you relax.

It’s where you dream.

Home is where you embrace the present and plan the future.

It’s where the books are.

And more than anything else, it’s where you build that world that you want.


Cover of Battle Ground by Jim Butcher

Battle Ground by Jim Butcher

War leaves you precious little time to be human. It’s one of the more horrible realities about it.

“What’s going to happen after this, do you think?”

“I don’t,” she said. “Because I’m doing today first.”

I snorted quietly.

Murphy squeezed back. “Harry. You can’t fix tomorrow until it gets here.”

“Which is weird, because you can screw it up from decades away.”

I’m not saying pain is what defines us as human beings. But it is, in many ways, what unites us. We all recognize other people in pain. Damned near all of us are moved to do something about it when we see it. It’s our common enemy, though it isn’t, really, an enemy. Pain is, at least when our bodies are working properly, a teacher. A really tough, really strict, and perfectly fair teacher.


Cover of Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky

That is the problem with ignorance. You can never truly know the extent of what you are ignorant about.

Life is not perfect, individuals will always be flawed, but empathy – the sheer inability to see those around them as anything other than people too – conquers all, in the end.


Cover of The Law by Jim Butcher

The Law by Jim Butcher

Planet Earth isn’t a fair place. It’s unfair in a broad variety of different ways, some worse than others, but it isn’t fair. Not for anybody. And that’s pretty much the fairest thing about it.

My knuckles ached to meet his nose.


Cover of Everyone in the Group Chat Dies by L.M. Chilton

Everyone in the Group Chat Dies by L.M. Chilton

The moment I agreed to a dinner party, I knew my thirties had officially arrived, and the slow, inevitable countdown to death had begun.


Cover of Lit by Tim Sandlin

Lit by Tim Sandlin

I’ve never seen a real battle- ax in person, but I know they are frequently compared to a woman’s demeanor and if I ever do come upon one in a museum or a camp where people are pretending to be Vikings, I would expect it to have an edge like Mimi’s chin.

I was all set to fall in love with a stranger obsessed with death. I’d been in love with a woman obsessed with Leonard Cohen, which is almost the same thing.

I considered correcting his word choices, but the kid seemed to be thinking. He was reading a book. Anyone who reads a book is better than anyone who doesn’t.

Here’s one of those truths you should get from books before some idiot burns them. If you are going to love someone, you need to take seriously what they take seriously. And vice versa. If your wife (or husband) thinks your strongest concerns are silly, or worse, stupid, you’re sunk. Get a dog.

Here’s the thing about loving. It’s an incredible risk. You give your every thought and desire to a person you hardly know and you are almost bound to lose. Even non- romantic love is dangerous, but romantic love, the kind based on mutual trust and feeling, is crapshoot roulette. It either kills you or wears you out. But then, a life without love is a waste. I’m not good at waste. It makes me antsy.

“I don’t see anyone committing murder over books.”

What kind of person would think so little of books? “Sunny, I am aghast you would say that. Books are sacred. To destroy one is a cardinal sin.”

Annotating a book on its pages is not a heck of a lot better than burning it.


Cover of Twelve Months by Jim Butcher

Twelve Months by Jim Butcher

“You can’t pick a favorite,” I said. “They’re books. They’re pieces of someone’s mind and soul. They’re almost friends.” I started back down the stairs again. “Sometimes a poet speaks best to what’s happening to you. Sometimes it’s a philosopher. Sometimes it’s a storyteller.”

“We’re here to help,” he said.

Four words. None of them long.

The truly important words never are.

Gentleness is power that chooses to restrain itself. That is under control. Gentleness is someone strong who makes the choice to be careful with that strength.

“That merely indicates his stupidity,” spat Mother Winter.

“Stupidity,” Mab mused. “Courage. The only difference is the outcome!“


Cover of Troubled Deep by Rob Parker

The Troubled Deep by Rob Parker

She shook her head. She was by now so jaded that cynicism was not just a way of dealing with things, but not it was a character quirk so embedded it had become a central psychological pillar.


Cover of The Land of Sweet Forever by Harper Lee

The Land of Sweet Forever by Harper Lee

We Americans like to put our culture into disposable containers. Nowhere is this more evident than in the way we treat our past. We discard villages, towns, even cities, when they grow old, and we are now in the process of discarding our recorded history, not in a shredder, but by rewriting it as romance. We are eager to watch docu-dramas on television; we prefer to read a history of the American Revolution as seen through the eyes of Mad Anthony Wayne’s last mistress. Now there is nothing wrong in reading historical fiction—perhaps two-thirds of the world’s classics are written in that form. But these are impatient days; more than ever it seems that we want anything but the real thing: we are afraid that the real thing might be dull, demanding, and worst of all, lacking in suspense.

(Image by DaModernDaVinci from Pixabay)

Opening Lines: All the Best Dogs by Emily Jenkins

Head & Shoulders used to tell us that, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” That’s true for wearing dark shirts, and it’s especially true for books. Sometimes the characters will hook the reader, sometimes the premise, sometimes it’s just knowing the author—but nothing beats a great opening for getting a reader to commit.

Ask anyone who has a dog and they’ll tell you that their dog is the best. Really, truly, the best dog in the world. Theirs is the best dog that ever lived, ever, ever, in the history of the known universe.

“But what if the person has two dogs, three dogs, eight dogs?” you ask.

Well, each one is still the best.

That’s how it feels. They are all the best dogs. You need to say “best” to be expressing what you feel about your dog.

Yeah, it’s not logical.

from All the Best Dogs by Emily Jenkins

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Opening Lines: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

We all know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover (yet, publishing companies spend big bucks on cover design/art and we all do judge them that way). But, the opening sentence(s)/paragraph(s) are fair game. So, when I stumble on a good opening (or remember one and pull it off the shelves), I like to throw it up here (especially if I’m out of time to come up with a post that involves writing on my part). Today seemed like a good day for this.

from Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury:

First of all, it was October, a rare month for boys. Not that all months aren’t rare. But there be bad and good, as the pirates say. Take September, a bad month: school begins. Consider August, a good month: school hasn’t begun yet. July, well, July’s really fine: there’s no chance in the world for school. June, no doubting it, June’s best of all, for the school doors spring wide and September’s a billion years away.

But you take October, now. School’s been on a month and you’re riding easier in the reins, jogging along. You got time to think of the garbage you’ll dump on old man Prickett’s porch, or the hairy-ape costume you’ll wear to the YMCA the last night of the month. And if it’s around October twentieth and everything smoky-smelling and the sky orange and ash gray at twilight, it seems Halloween will never come in a fall of broomsticks and a soft flap of bedsheets around corners.

But one strange wild dark long year, Halloween came early.

One year Halloween came on October 24, three hours after midnight.

At that time, James Nightshade of 97 Oak Street was thirteen years, eleven months, twenty-three days old. Next door, William Halloway was thirteen years, eleven months and twenty-four days old. Both touched toward fourteen; it almost trembled in their hands.

And that was the October week when they grew up overnight, and were never so young anymore….

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Opening Lines: Billy the Kid: The War for Lincoln County by Ryan C. Coleman

We all know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover (yet, publishing companies spend big bucks on cover design/art and we all do judge them that way). But, the opening sentence(s)/paragraph(s) are fair game. So, when I stumble on a good opening (or remember one and pull it off the shelves), I like to throw it up here. I have 1.2 books to get through before I can read this one, but when I uploaded it to my e-reader tonight, I caught a glimpse of this and have had to remind myself of deadlines (and the need for sleep) so I didn’t press on.

Fort Grant, Arizona Territory
August 1877

He’d never killed a man. Didn’t know what it would feel like. Didn’t know if it would turn his insides out. Turn him inside out. He didn’t know if he’d lay awake long into the night, afraid of what may come in his sleep, in his dreams. He didn’t know if he’d forever be followed by that dark cloud, a harbinger of his soul’s inevitable damnation.

He’d find out though.

Turns out killing a man doesn’t change you.

It just reveals the real you.

from Billy the Kid: The War for Lincoln County by Ryan C. Coleman

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Opening Lines: The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

I need to re-read this book, which I remember quite enjoying, but I was a little fuzzy on the details. Well, it took me just this long to remember how much I enjoyed it.

I was about to die.

Worse, I was about to die with bastards.

Not that I was afraid to die, but maybe who you die with is important. It’s important who’s with you when you’re born, after all. If everybody’s wearing clean linen and silk and looking down at you squirming in your bassinet, you’ll have a very different life than if the first thing you see when you open your eyes is a billy goat. I looked over at Pagran and decided he looked uncomfortably like a billy goat, what with his long head, long beard, and unlovely habit of chewing even when he had no food. Pagran used to be a farmer. Frella, just next to him in rusty ring mail, used to be his wife.

Now they were thieves, but not subtle thieves like me. I was trained in lock-picking, wall-scaling, fall-breaking, lie-weaving, voice-throwing, trap-making, trap-finding, and not a half-bad archer, fiddler, and knife-fighter besides. I also knew several dozen cantrips—small but useful magic. Alas, I owed the Takers Guild so much money for my training that I found myself squatting in the Forest of Orphans with these thick bastards, hoping to rob somebody the old-fashioned way. You know, threaten them with death.

from The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

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Opening Lines: The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman

We all know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover (yet, publishing companies spend big bucks on cover design/art and we all do judge them that way). But, the opening sentence(s)/paragraph(s) are fair game. So, when I stumble on a good opening (or remember one and pull it off the shelves), I like to throw it up here (especially if I’m out of time to come up with a post that involves writing on my part). In these few paragraphs, you’re immediately into this Arthurian world, you get a hint of the combat, and an idea of the tone/humor of the rest of the book. I thought this was a good opening and the book got better from here.

from The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman:

Collum punched the other knight in the face with the pommel of his sword gripped in his gauntleted fist, so hard the dark inlaid metal dimpled under his knuckles, but his opponent showed absolutely no sign of falling over or surrendering to him. He swore under his breath and followed it up with a kick to the ankle but missed and almost fell down, and the other knight spun gracefully and clouted him smartly in the head so his ears rang. He would’ve given a thousand pounds to be able to wipe the sweat out of his eyes, not that he had a thousand pounds. He had exactly three shillings and two silver pennies to his name.

The two men backed off and circled each other, big swords held up at stiff angles, shifting from guard to guard, heavy shards of bright sunlight glancing and glaring off the blades. They’d dropped their shields after the tilt to have both hands free. No mistakes now, Collum thought. Circles not lines, Marshal Aucassin whispered in his mind. Watch the body not the blade. He threw a diagonal cut that glanced harmlessly off the other knight’s shoulder. The inside of his helmet was a furnace, sharp smells of hay and sweat and raw leather. He’d come here to test himself against the flower of British chivalry, the greatest knights in the world, and by God he was getting what he came for. He was getting the stuffing beaten out of him.

They stepped lightly, testing, offering, up on the balls of their feet. Every tiny movement made their armor squeak and clank and jingle in the quiet of the meadow; even the tips of their swords made tiny whips in the stifling air. Why—why had he thought this was a good idea? Why hadn’t he stayed back on Mull? Heatstroke prickled at the back of Collum’s neck. They weren’t fighting to the death, but if he lost he’d lose his horse, and his armor, which he hadn’t gone through all the trouble of stealing it from Lord Alasdair just so he could hand it over to some nameless knight who probably had half a dozen spares waiting for him back at his cozy castle.

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Opening Lines: The Troubled Deep by Rob Parker

This was a mistake, I knew I didn’t have time to read this book anytime soon. But I sucummbed to temptation when I took it out of the package. Now I’m kicking myself–I need the next 360 pages.

Mum and Dad really like parties. They go to three or four a week sometimes, but we are never allowed to go with them. Me and my big brother, that is. They say it’s because the parties always finish too late. That there are no party games, no ice cream, no musical statues. That we’d be home too late for school the next day.

They are probably right about this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to go. Getting all dressed up the way Mum does in her sparkly frocks and jangling earrings. My brother could get cleaned up like Dad does too, handsome in a suit or a leather jacket. Mum and Dad always look so special as we wave from the window, watching them leave Brindley Hall in their super cool Jaguar car.

Dad taught me an old-timey rhyme about it and I like the way it rolls off the tongue. Father’s car is a jaguar, and pa drives rather fast. I am going to tell the other children at school on Monday.

If I get to school on Monday.

Because tonight, it has all been different. This time, when it went dark, the babysitter didn’t come, and Mum told us both to get dressed smartly instead. This time, we got to go with them in the Jaguar car, named after a big cat, because it goes so fast.

I wish it had been faster. I wish we’d gone far away from here.

I wish it hadn’t gone into the water.

I wish I wasn’t stuck in it, me and my brother looking at each other in the back as freezing water comes up through gaps in the floor.

I wish we were at home.

I wish we’d never gone to that party.

from The Troubled Deep by Rob Parker

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Opening Lines: The Lies of Locke Lamora

Head & Shoulders used to tell us that, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” That’s true for wearing dark shirts, and it’s especially true for books. Sometimes the characters will hook the reader, sometimes the premise, sometimes it’s just knowing the author—but nothing beats a great opening for getting a reader to commit. This is coming up next for my Fantasy Book Club, and I’m more than excited for the excuse to read it again.

At the height of the long wet summer of the Seventy-seventh Year of Sendovani, the Thiefmaker of Camorr paid a sudden and unannounced visit to the Eyeless Priest at the Temple of Perelandro, desperately hoping to sell him the Lamora boy.

“Have I got a deal for you!” the Thiefmaker began, perhaps inauspiciously. “Another deal like Calo and Galdo, maybe?” said the Eyeless Priest. “I’ve still got my hands full training those giggling idiots out of every bad habit they picked up from you and replacing them with the bad habits I need.”

“Now, Chains.” The Thiefmaker shrugged. “I told you they were shit-flinging little monkeys when we made the deal, and it was good enough for you at the—”

“Or maybe another deal like Sabetha?” The priest’s richer, deeper voice chased the Thiefmaker’s objection right back down his throat. “I’m sure you recall charging me everything but my dead mother’s kneecaps for her. I should’ve paid you in copper and watched you spring a rupture trying to haul it all away.”

“Ahhhhhh, but she was special, and this boy, he’s special, too,” said the Thiefmaker. “Everything you asked me to look for after I sold you Calo and Galdo. Everything you liked so much about Sabetha! He’s Camorri, but a mongrel. Therin and Vadran blood with neither dominant. He’s got larceny in his heart, sure as the sea’s full of fish piss. And I can even let you have him at a … a discount.”

The Eyeless Priest spent a long moment mulling this. “You’ll pardon me,” he finally said, “if the suggestion that the minuscule black turnip you call a heart is suddenly overflowing with generosity toward me leaves me wanting to arm myself and put my back against a wall.”

The Thiefmaker tried to let a vaguely sincere expression scurry onto his face, where it froze in evident discomfort. His shrug was theatrically casual. “There are, ah, problems with the boy, yes. But the problems are unique to his situation in my care. Were he under yours, I’m sure they would, ahhhh, vanish.”

“Oh. You have a magic boy. Why didn’t you say so?” The priest scratched his forehead beneath the white silk blindfold that covered his eyes. “Magnificent. I’ll plant him in the fucking ground and grow a vine to an enchanted land beyond the clouds.”

“Ahhhhh! I’ve tasted that flavor of sarcasm before, Chains.” The Thiefmaker gave an arthritic mock bow. “That’s the sort you spit out as a bargaining posture. Is it really so hard to say that you’re interested?”

The Eyeless Priest shrugged. “Suppose Calo, Galdo, and Sabetha might be able to use a new playmate, or at least a new punching bag. Suppose I’m willing to spend about three coppers and a bowl of piss for a mystery boy. But you’ll still need to convince me that you deserve the bowl of piss. What’s the boy’s problem?”

“His problem,” said the Thiefmaker, “is that if I can’t sell him to you, I’m going to have to slit his throat and throw him in the bay. And I’m going to have to do it tonight.”

from The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

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Opening Lines: Return to Sender by Craig Johnson

We all know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover (yet, publishing companies spend big bucks on cover design/art and we all do judge them that way). But, the opening sentence(s)/paragraph(s) are fair game. So, when I stumble on a good opening (or remember one and pull it off the shelves), I like to throw it up here. In these few paragraphs, you’re immediately in Walt’s world, knowing you’re in for some good conversations and a slower pace. I’m starting this one tonight, but took a sneak peak.

from Return to Sender by Craig Johnson:

“Nobody smiles anymore.”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you noticed? Nobody smiles anymore.” Mike adjusted himself in the tiny postal Jeep, setting his back against the passenger-side door as he sat on the floor beside Dog so no one would see him in the September early morning light. “Remember when we were growing up how you were taught that when you walked down the street and you met a stranger, that you smiled or said hello?” He sighed, staring at the plethora of mail and packages in the back as if it were a weight he could no longer bear. “People don’t do that anymore.”

Mike Thurman, my late wife’s cousin, was in a bad mood, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a point.

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Towel Day ’25 (observed): Some of my favorite Adams lines . . .

(updated 5/26/25)

A Blue towel with the words Towel Day on it

There’s a great temptation here for me to go crazy and use so many quotations that I’d get in copyright trouble. I’ll refrain from that and just list some of his best lines . . .*

* The fact that this list keeps expanding from year to year says something about my position on flirting with temptation.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

This must be Thursday. . . I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

“You’d better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”

“What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?”

“You ask a glass of water.”

(I’m not sure why, but this has always made me chuckle, if not actually laugh out loud. It’s just never not funny. It’s possibly the line that made me a fan of Adams)

He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

“You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”

“Why, what did she tell you?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t listen.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centuari. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before . . .

“Look,” said Arthur, “would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

<

blockquote>“Space,” [The Guide] says, “is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space, listen…”

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.


The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

It is a curious fact, and one to which no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85 percent of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N-N-T’Nix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations on the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between the Sivolvian “chinanto/mnigs” which is ordinary water served at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan “tzjin-anthony-ks” which kills cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were all invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other worlds.

Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Life is wasted on the living.


Life, The Universe and Everything

Life, the Universe, and Everything

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying. There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

(It goes on for quite a while after this—and I love every bit of it.)

“One of the interesting things about space,” Arthur heard Slartibartfast saying . . . “is how dull it is?”

“Dull?” . . .

“Yes,” said Slartibartfast, “staggeringly dull. Bewilderingly so. You see, there’s so much of it and so little in it.”


So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Of course, one never has the slightest notion what size or shape different species are going to turn out to be, but if you were to take the findings of the latest Mid-Galactic Census report as any kind of accurate guide to statistical averages you would probably guess that the craft would hold about six people, and you would be right. You’d probably guessed that anyway. The Census report, like most such surveys, had cost an awful lot of money and told nobody anything they didn’t already know—except that every single person in the Galaxy had 2.4 legs and owned a hyena. Since this was clearly not true the whole thing eventually had to be scrapped.

Here was something that Ford felt he could speak about with authority. “Life,” he said, “is like a grapefruit.”

“Er, how so?”

“Well, it’s sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It’s got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.”

“Is there anyone else out there I can talk to?”

Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her. “Why’s this fish so bloody good?” he demanded, angrily.

“Please excuse my friend,” said Fenchurch to the startled waitress. “I think he’s having a nice day at last.”


Mostly Harmless

Mostly Harmless

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Fall, though, is the worst. Few things are worse than fall in New York. Some of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats would disagree, but most of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats are highly disagreeable anyways, so their opinion can and should be discounted.


Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

There is no point in using the word ‘impossible’ to describe something that has clearly happened.

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.

Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

(I’ve often been tempted to get a tattoo of this)


The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.’

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.

She stared at them with the worried frown of a drunk trying to work out why the door is dancing.

It was his subconscious which told him this—that infuriating part of a person’s brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing.

As she lay beneath a pile of rubble, in pain, darkness, and choking dust, trying to find sensation in her limbs, she was at least relieved to be able to think that she hadn’t merely been imagining that this was a bad day. So thinking, she passed out.


The Last Chance to See

The Last Chance to See

“So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I were stupid. “You die, of course. That’s what deadly means.”

I’ve never understood all this fuss people make about the dawn. I’ve seen a few and they’re never as good as the photographs, which have the additional advantage of being things you can look at when you’re in the right frame of mind, which is usually around lunchtime.

I have the instinctive reaction of a Western man when confronted with sublimely incomprehensible. I grab my camera and start to photograph it.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The aye-aye is a nocturnal lemur. It is a very strange-looking creature that seems to have been assembled from bits of other animals. It looks a little like a large cat with a bat’s ears, a beaver’s teeth, a tail like a large ostrich feather, a middle finger like a long dead twig and enormous eyes that seem to peer past you into a totally different world which exists just over your left shoulder.

One of the characteristics that laymen find most odd about zoologists is their insatiable enthusiasm for animal droppings. I can understand, of course, that the droppings yield a great deal of information about the habits and diets of the animals concerned, but nothing quite explains the sheer glee that the actual objects seem to inspire.

I mean, animals may not be intelligent, but they’re not as stupid as a lot of human beings.


The Salmon of Doubt

The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

I’ve come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.


And a couple of lines I’ve seen in assorted places, articles, books, and whatnot

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

A learning experience is one of those things that says, “You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”

The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.

Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there’s no point trying to look in that direction because it won’t be coming from there.

Don't Panic

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