Category: Fiction Page 266 of 341

Let There Be Linda Excerpt: Detective Gary Shuler

Detective Gary Shuler

Early on, when he was six, seven, and eight years old, when he was hurt and confused because he was the one and only child who was addressed by his full name plus a name that wasn’t his name, his parents had pacified him with tall cold glasses of milk and stacks of Oreo cookies. The cookies became physically, emotionally, and intellectually synonymous with safety and comfort. He ate them constantly throughout his life. He couldn’t stop eating them. At the same time that they were feeding him Oreos, his parents also recognized there was nothing they could do to stem the Gary Shuler Vista tide, so they taught their son to ride those waves with laughter, to be in on the joke instead of being the joke.

Oreos and comedy became the subconscious pillars upon which his life was built. He became the class clown in every class and carried an Oreo four-pack everywhere he went. He was popular and smart and a good athlete. But he was also a bit of offline, not your normal everyday kid. He saw the world at odd angles. He was an odd angle himself. “He’s a good guy, Gary Shuler Vista,” people would say, “but he’s a strange bird.” 

Let There Be Linda Excerpt: Donald the Dentist

Donald the Dentist

It was Wednesday noon. Donald the Dentist only worked a half-day (one to five), which was a good thing because he had been up all night doing cocaine in his office after Detective Shuler had handed over the garbage bag holding his dead dog. He couldn’t bear going to bed and listening to Carol cry herself to sleep.

He had finally dozed off somewhere around six and was awakened by the sound of music—literally; The Sound of Music was blasting in the living room—Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, and all the various Von Trapps singing “So Long, Farewell” as they slipped into the night and across the border.

He rubbed his index finger through the white dust on the mirror on the coffee table, ran the finger across his gums, got out of the armchair, picked up the garbage bag that held Chachi’s carcass, and walked out of his office. He went down the hall, intending to grab a shovel from the garage so he could dig a hole in the backyard behind the trees beyond the pool and bury the bag, but he arrived at the large living room just in time to see his wife kick the chair away from her feet—the chair she was standing on, so she could hang herself with the rope she had looped over the rafters that spanned the room beneath the twenty-foot, tongue-in-groove, cathedral ceiling painted Dr. Seuss red.

Let There Be Linda Excerpt: Meet Jenny Stone

Meet Jenny Stone

“I’m Danny Miller,” he said, taking the chair next to her, “President of Miller Talent Agency.” There was a bamboo reception desk, a wicker loveseat, the two chairs, the big mirror, and a fan that made a dying animal noise. There was no receptionist.

She was sitting, but Danny thought she might be five foot five or so. She had straight-as-string brown hair that was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Her skin was smooth and clear and white, as if she never went out into the Southern California sunshine. She wore zero makeup. No gloss, no eye shadow, no blush. She wore thick black glasses. She was thin, he thought, but he couldn’t really tell what was happening under her blousy blue shirt and gray Catholic-school skirt. She wore knee socks and sensible shoes. She had brown eyes that made him think of coffee. She was younger than him, late twenties. She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. She was unadorned in every regard. It was as if she were trying not to be here—or anywhere—trying to be unnoticed by any and all. There was no guessing what kind of talent she thought she had.

“I’m Jenny Stone,” she said in soft voice void of confidence, a voice that in and of itself was trying to be unnoticed. “What do you do, Jenny Stone?” Danny said, putting his hand out.

She shook his hand and said, “I bring dead people back to life.”

A Few Quick Questions With…Rich Leder


Laugh Riot Press’ Calvin Shomaker suggested some questions for me, and for the most part, they were like what I had planned on asking (maybe his were a bit easier to translate into a sales pitch). Doesn’t really matter who came up with the questions, I just like to give credit where it’s due — Leder’s answers are the thing you want to pay attention to.

Why did you make the transition from screenwriting to novel writing?
After 25 years of telling stories in the strictly regimented format of screenwriting, I had the strong desire to work a deeper, wider canvas. In a script, the writer can only access the thoughts of the characters with action or dialogue. In a novel, the writer can explore the mind and heart and soul of the characters at his/her leisure—discuss the characters’ actual thoughts and feelings. Budget is a non-issue with a novel but a big concern with a movie. Sheer number of characters can be problematic in a script but not in a book (so long as the characters are meaningfully created). Number of locations, page count, and other considerations a movie must make are non-existent in the world of a novel.

I wanted to experience writing without regimentation.

Describe Let There Be Linda in two words. Try Two Sentences.
I can do six words: black comic thriller of the year. And I can do five words: silly, bloody, violent, hilarious fun. And I can do five words again: Monty Python meets Quentin Tarantino. And, finally, I can do two words: wild ride.
Where did Let There Be Linda come from? Who and what were the inspirations?
Left field? Shadows in the wood? Breeze in the meadow? Dark side of the moon? I have no real idea where LINDA came from. It was, I suppose, that indescribable moment of creative human magic. But I know who inspired the spirit of the thing: Monty Python and Quentin Tarantino.
What type of readers would love this book?
Readers who like dark comedy. Readers who like thrillers. Readers who like wild rides. Readers who like to laugh out loud.
Are you done writing films? If so, what does the future hold for Rich Leder and Laugh Riot Press?
It feels like I’m done writing screenplays on spec. If I’m hired to write, then I’ll write one. But if I’m just going to sit down and write a story, I’m going to write a novel from this point in my life onward. That’s what it feels like.
Why should people read your books?
To experience characters they’ll never meet in real life that are so real they’ll think they’ve met them in their real life after all. To laugh out loud. To be thrilled. To be transported to another place. To laugh out loud. Did I mention that one?
What do you want readers to know about you before they start reading you?
I love to write, and I love to make readers laugh. I love to tell fantastic stories—hilarious mysteries and dark comic thrillers—and I care enough about my characters to make them real people readers will fall for.

Let There Be Linda by Rich Leder Book Tour

Welcome to our Book Tour stop for Let There Be Linda. Along with this blurb about the book and author I’ve got a Q & A with the author, Rich Leder; some excerpts from the book: Meet Jenny Stone, Donald the Dentist, Detective Gary Shuler, and a little something we’re calling The Page 69 Challenge; and my 2¢ about the book.

Be sure to scroll down to the bottom of this post to see the current promos from Laugh Riot!

Book Details:

Book Title:  Let There Be Linda by Rich Leder
Publisher:  Laugh Riot Press
Release date:  July 1, 2016

Book Description:

Leder’s black comic thriller tells the tall tale of estranged brothers Mike and Dan Miller—accountant and con-man talent agent respectively—up to their necks in the virtual quicksand of LA’s San Fernando Valley during the hottest summer in Southern California history.

The root cause of their problems could be the missing seventy-five thousand dollars, or the sadistic, loan shark dwarf and his vicious giant, or the psycho comedian cop on the case, or the coke-snorting dentist, or the deranged zombie real estate developer. Or perhaps it’s the poodle—the poodle is suspect, no doubt. Or maybe it’s the grocery store checker who breathes life into death.

Oh yes, it could be her too.

And so to repair the head-on collision the Millers have made of their personal and professional lives, the brothers summon their mother back from the dead to clean up the wreckage. But what the Miller men discover is that screwing with the laws of nature is a violent, bloody, hysterical, and hilarious idea.

Author Bio:

Rich LederRich Leder has been a working writer for more than two decades. His screen credits include 18 produced television films for CBS, Lifetime, and Hallmark and feature films for Paramount Pictures, Tri-Star Pictures, and Left Bank Films.

He has written four funny novels: McCall & Company: Workman’s Complication; McCall & Company: Swollen Identity; Juggler, Porn Star, Monkey Wrench; and Let There Be Linda.

He founded Laugh Riot Press as an imprint for his funny books and the funny books of other indie authors.

He has been the lead singer in a Detroit rock band, a restaurateur, a Little League coach, an indie film director, a literacy tutor, a magazine editor, a screenwriting coach, a PTA board member, a commercial real estate agent, and a visiting artist for the University of North Carolina Wilmington Film Studies Department, among other things, all of which, it turns out, was grist for the mill. He resides on the North Carolina coast with his awesome wife, Lulu, and is sustained by the visits home of their three children.

Current Laugh Riot Press Promos:

Buy One Get One Free: Let There Be Linda is on presale on Amazon for $2.99. On July 1st it will be $4.99.

If you preorder Let There Be Linda before July 1st, and send Rich (rich@laughriotpress.com) a proof of purchase, he will send you a free e-copy of his romantic Hollywood sex comedy Juggler, Porn Star, Monkey Wrench. That’s two great reads for $2.99!

Ask a Question, Win a Signed Book! Email Rich any questions you want answered on the Laugh Riot Podcast (http://www.laughriotpress.com/podcasts/) for the chance to win a free signed book!

For More Info:

https://www.facebook.com/LaughRiotPress/
https://twitter.com/LaughRiotPress
http://www.amazon.com/Rich-Leder/e/B00N66JNN0/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8304523.Rich_Leder?from_search=true&search_version=service
http://www.laughriotpress.com/

United States of Books – Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry

Lonesome Dove Lonesome Dove

by Larry McMurtry

Author: C.H. Armstrong at C.H. Armstrong Books & Blog

When I learned I would have the pleasure of reviewing Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove, I quite literally did a fist pump of victory. Simply stated, this is one of my all-time favorite novels, and one of the very few I would consider reading more than once. For that reason, I’ll not beat around the bush: I enthusiastically give this novel a full 5-star review. If I could give it more than 5-stars, I most certainly would.

So what’s it about?

I asked this question of those who originally recommended it to me, and the answer I received didn’t inspire enthusiastic thoughts: It’s the story about a bunch of old cowboys who go on a cattle drive.

Huh? How is that even remotely interesting? Why would I want to read about a cattle drive?

The answer is this: Just do it. I promise: You won’t be sorry.

Lonesome Dove is about a cattle drive, but it’s more than that. It’s about the strong ties of friendship between two former Texas Rangers, Captain August “Gus” McCrae and Captain Woodrow F. Call, two men who couldn’t be more different. While Call is stoic and serious, McCrae is often seen as more laid back and carefree. But the truth is that the two men, for all of their differences, are like yen and yang or two sides of the same coin. It’s almost a love story without the romance element. They complement each other and, while they seem to have nothing at all in common, they are simply not the same without the other.

Besides the main characters is a series of supporting cast members who round out the story…a 17 year old boy, the son of a prostitute, who suspects that Call might be his father; a young prostitute, Lorie, who just wants to get out of town; and the reprehensible coward, Jake Spoon, who abandons her and leaves her defenseless against the elements and those who would do her harm.

In truth, I sat down to read this book because I wanted to silence someone who insisted I read it…and so I talked my best friend (700 miles away) into reading it with me, just so I would have some company in what I thought would be a grueling read. To my surprise, it was action-packed, funny, heartbreaking, and truly one of the best books I’ve ever read.

Trust me – you don’t want to miss this book. If you read nothing else this year, pick up a copy of Lonesome Dove. You won’t be sorry!

Hexed (Audiobook) by Kevin Hearne, Luke Daniels

HexedHexed (Audiobook)

by Kevin Hearne, Luke Daniels (Narrator)
Series: The Iron Druid Chronicles, #2

Unabridged Audiobook, 8 hours and 52 minutes
Brilliance Audio, 2011

Read: June 21 – 22, 2016

This takes place just 3 weeks after Hounded and the dust is still settling. The target on Atticus is bigger than before — funny what a reputation as a god-killer will do to a guy, from attacks to pleas for help, more people than ever want to know where he is.

Last time, I summed up the book with this:

Atticus finds himself in even more trouble–this time there’s a very nasty coven that wants to come in and take over the Tempe area–and their first step will be eliminating all other magic practitioners.

So our hero has to suck up his prejudice against witches and team up with the very same group that threatened him last time out to defend the home turf and maybe even clean up some long unfinished business.

which pretty much holds up.

The couple of additions I’d make are that I loved Coyote, and had totally forgotten that he appeared so early in the series. I miss Mr. Semerdjian — and while I understand why Hearne took the steps he did to prevent us from getting the nosy neighbor in every book, I sort of regret it after getting reacquainted with the character. Another thing that I’d forgotten about, but really enjoyed (probably more than I should’ve) is the scene where Atticus has to go all Three Stooges with the policemen and his camouflaging of his sword, some baseball bats and himself. Seriously funny, while juvenile, stuff.

Speaking of funny, it’s dangerous to listen to these at work — there were at least two times that Oberon’s commentary made me laugh out loud. Thankfully, none of the people who work next to me were at their desks either time, or I’d have gotten a few looks. Just a warning to anyone thinking of it — you may look silly.

Luke Daniels delivers again — he’s so good at this that I’m thinking of shopping for something by him just to hear him read. The only complaint I have is that his Mr. Semerdjian sounds too much like a high-pitched Oberon. Which is just weird, and probably not something that either character would enjoy. Daniels’ Coyote, and the speech patterns Atticus adopts while talking with him are fantastic.

A great edition of a solid sequel.

—–

4 Stars

We’re All Damaged by Matthew Norman

We're All DamagedWe’re All Damaged

by Matthew Norman

Paperback, 268 pg.
Little A, 2016

Read: June 8 – 9, 2016

It’s a cruel fact that if your wife cheats on you, the guy will have a name like Tyler. Something cool–something your parents never would have had the guts to name you.

This particular Tyler is involved in Andy Carter’s wife leaving him (he’s not the cause, as Harry Burns’ buddy, Jess, would remind us, “Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.”). Karen uses the symptom as an excuse to dump Andy at an Applebee’s in the funniest and most tragic first chapter since Tropper’s This Is Where I Leave You.

Actually, there are several similarities between this book and This Is Where I Leave You — which is not to say that Norman’s ripping Tropper off or anything (although, it’d be a good book to steal from). It deals with some similar themes in a similar tone with similar heart. A few times Norman made me think of Tropper (I bet next time that the next time I re-read Tropper’s book, I’ll think of Norman’s).

Following the Applebee’s disaster, Andy sort of fell apart, I’ll spare you the details because Norman does a much more entertaining job of relating them than I could. But long story short, he quits his nice job and moves to from Omaha to New York and becomes a bartender, and is sort of adopted by a stray cat named Jeter (as has been well established, I’m not a cat person, but I liked Andy’s relationship — for lack of a better term — with Jeter). While licking his wounds — or whatever — he pretty much cuts off communication with his family and friends. Not out of spite or anything, but it just seems to take too much energy.

For a while now, I’ve had to keep reminding myself that I’m a nice person. Like, nice nice. Midwestern nice. Half the people who signed my high school yearbook told me so–it’s documented. A few of them even mentioned that I should never change, never ever. I once helped a blind lady walk across a grocery store parking lot in the rain. I used to run 5Ks on Saturday mornings to fight cancer and juvenile diabetes and all of that horrible shit.

Time moves on, as it tends to outside of SF novels, anyway. Before he knows it, Andy’s being stood up for a blind date and he gets a call that his grandfather is about to die. A grandfather that Andy’s pretty much ignored for over a year. So Andy goes home, after promising his boss/friend that he won’t have anything to do with Karen.

Want to bet he keeps that promise? Yeah, me neither.

He doesn’t recognize his parents, the kind of house they live in, or the notoriety his mother (a conservative radio talk show host) is enjoying. His grandfather, suffering from dementia (amongst many other things), doesn’t recognize him, either. Andy is recognized by his former best-friend/ex-brother-in-law, his brother, his parents, his ex-father-in-law, a few people he’s never met. Including someone claiming to be his sister. Oh, and Tyler.

She calls herself Daisy, “smeller of books and a marker-upper of books,” and actually has a pretty good reason to calling herself his sister. But she has other plans for him — inspired by the stories his grandfather’s been telling her, Daisy has decided to fix Andy. She sports multiple tattoos, has no discernible source of income, and marks up books. Really, not the kind of person a respectable young man should be associated with — even a formerly respectable young man. But man, I really, really liked Daisy (marking up books notwithstanding), I can almost guarantee you will, too.

You’ll probably like Andy, his grandfather, father, niece and ex-friend, too. Forget about liking Tyler, just not going to happen. I’m not sure where you’ll come down on Mom. I’m not sure where I come down on mom, either.

I’m not sure you’re supposed to have a firm opinion about her, either. My one complaint with the book has to do with Mom. The novel takes place in the weeks leading up to the
Obergefell v. Hodge
decision, and since Mom’s a conservative talk show host on the verge of nationwide fame, the case is mentioned a lot. No one, on either side of the issue, deals with it in a substantive manner — it’s all sound-bites and bumperstickers. Frankly, something so important should’ve been dealt with gravitas, not in sloganeering and cartoonish representatives. Sadly, by and large that’s all that the Internet, TV and radio gave us — so that really Mom (and her vocal opponents) were realistic representations of a lot of our country. Not the best part of it, sadly, just a large part. I can’t fault Norman for focusing on them just because they were realistic just because I wish they weren’t.

So, while maybe coming out of the ruins he’s made of his life and personality, Andy mends some fences, further ruins some more, connects with his father in a way he hadn’t in a long time, and maybe even gets a little closure. He also makes a fool out of himself, gets punched, and has to attend his grandfather’s funeral. Thanks to Daisy’s pushing, he may not be living a good life — but it’s one a lot more interesting than just wallowing in the past.

At a certain point, you pretty much figure out exactly how things are going to go in the book — and you’ll be right (except for the once or twice where you’ll be really wrong). But it doesn’t matter, because things work out the way they should, and Norman works them out in a pleasant, engaging style.

I liked Andy’s ambivalent relationship to technology — the imaginary conversations he has with Siri made me grin. And then there’s his first brush in months with Facebook.

I’ve given it some thought, and, seriously, there’s just no way Facebook can be good for you. I’m sure there have been studies, so this probably isn’t some brilliant revelation, but I’ll say it anyway. On the surface, it’s harmless enough, I guess. How bad can it really be with its endless baby posts, food pictures, and beachy foot selfies? But it’s not that simple. Mixed in with all of its silly bullshit, Facebook is the literal manifestation of all our regrets, looping and looping, for free, on our computers and phones. People who should be gone and safely out of forever are there again, one cryptic little glimpse at a time, reminding us of all the things we should or shouldn’t have done.

Seriously, Norman deserves some sort of literary prize for the “literal manifestation of all our regrets” line, right?

There’s also a cameo in here that was such a nice touch.

This was a very amusing book — frequently funny. This was also a touching book — I might have gotten misty once or twice. More than anything else, this was engaging — I was right there with Andy the whole time, cringing when he was being stupid, grinning when he was being charming or mature. I enjoyed this one so much that I can’t quite figure out how to say it. Norman belongs up there with Nick Hornby, Jonathan Tropper, Rainbow Rowell and Jennifer Weiner — he can make you laugh, make you cry, make you feel, all while telling a pretty good story. I should go back and re-read his other novel, just to be able to prove this. But until I do, just take my word for it and give this a shot.

—–

5 Stars

Reread Project: So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams

So Long, and Thanks For All The FishSo Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

by Douglas Adams
Series: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy, #4

Mass Market Paperback, 214 pg.
Del Rey, 1999
Read: June 14, 2016

Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her.

“Why’s this fish so bloody good?” he demanded, angrily.

“Please excuse my friend,” said Fenchurch to the startled waitress. “I think he’s having a nice day at last.”

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: this is my favorite Douglas Adams novel. Sure, The Hitchhiker’s Guide is fantastic and I love it and you can make a strong case that at least one of the Dirk Gently novels is his best (I expect I’ll be doing so in a couple of months) — but this is the one that does it for me.

Unlike the previous three, there is an actual narrative here — it’s not a collection of scenes, jokes, and vignettes loosely tied together. Arthur Dent arrives on Earth (no, really) after traipsing from one end of the galaxy to the next; from the end of the universe, to the beginnings of life on Earth; basically all throughout time and space (sadly, without the blue box). And now he’s trying to re-acclimate to life at home. Which has somehow not been destroyed, neither has his house. In fact, everything’s pretty much like it was before.

Just with everyone convinced that the Vogon Constructor Fleet was a CIA-induced Mass Hallucination. Not everyone believes it, but most do. Two people who don’t believe that are a man named Wonko the Sane and Fenchurch. Both of whom are pretty cool characters.

I’ll skip Wonko, because the name says everything. Fenchurch, on the other hand, is perfect. She’s everything that Trillian never got the chance to be (except in the semi-disastrous final chapters of Life, the Universe, and Everything. She’s funny, smart, sexy — just what Arthur needs. I’d happily read a book just about her.

There’s a mention of Zaphod — briefly — but that’s it. So the zaniness fell into Ford’s capable lap. I’ve always liked Ford better, anyway. And he’s able (as always) to pull off the zaniness, the comedy, the . . . everything without being quite the obnoxious twit that Zaphod is.

Ford’s his usual delusional, clueless, charming, drunken self.

Here was something that Ford felt he could speak about with authority.

“Life,” he said, “is like a grapefruit.”

“Er, how so?”

Well, it’s sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy the middle. It’s got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.”

“Is there anyone else out there I can talk to?”

Arthur comes out of this one looking pretty good, too. He’s not whining, he’s not just getting pulled around by his dressing gown wherever whim strikes Ford (or Zaphod). He’s mature, capable, witty. He sees a problem or two and solves them (even if one of those problems is just “who was that girl I almost met the other day”?). He’s almost a wholly different guy when he’s home. Which makes him a lot like the rest of us — which is sort of the point of Arthur since we first met him.

One of the highlights of the last book was the section about flying, I’m pretty sure I said that. The section here about flying is better — Arthur teaching Fenchurch, Arthur remembering how to do it in the first place — and then the two of them flying around. It’s just about perfect.

And, of course, there are little bits like:

Of course, one never has the slightest notion what size or shape different species are going to turn out to be, but if you were to take the findings of the latest Mid-Galactic Census report as any kind of accurate guide to statistical averages you would probably guess that the craft would hold about six people, and you would be right.

You’d probably guessed that anyway. The Census report, like most such surveys, had cost an awful lot of money and told nobody anything they didn’t already know — except that every single person in the Galaxy had 2.4 legs and owned a hyena. Since this was clearly not true the whole thing eventually had to be scrapped.

    There’s a few things I’d love to go on and on about, but no one wants to read me gushing and gushing and gushing, so here are the assorted highlights:

  • The zig at the end of the Prologue.
  • Arthur’s biscuit/train station story. Seriously, I just love this.
  • Rob Mckenna
  • Wonko the Sane naming the world The Asylum and his house Outside the Asylum.
  • Wonko the Sane’s name.
  • All the California jokes. Clearly, he’d been vacationing there too much.
  • The whole thing about the lizard government and democracy is both funny and relevant.
  • Chapter 25 is just dandy.

The last chapter or two are a little weak, pretty close to the older books in tone and style. But they work, they are tied into the narrative and star Marvin. So who’s going to complain? Not me.

Really, I’ve got nothing but positive things to say about this. I love it. One of the easiest 5-star ratings I’ve ever given.

—–

5 Stars

Coming Attraction: Let There Be Linda by Rich Leder

Coming July 28th:


Laugh Riot Press is bringing the Book Tour for Rich Leder‘s Let There Be Linda to our humble patch of cyberspace.

This black comedy is a hoot, you’ll want to be sure to stop by to learn more about this book and author (and maybe even pick up a free book). Frankly, I have no idea how I can talk about this book without ruining everything — but it’ll be fun trying to figure that out, and possibly a disaster if I can’t.

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